Thank you for the insight. I have been trying so hard NOT TO FOCUS on H. That was the motive for this thread. About me NOT him. AND it is KNOWONES fault before. So many have tried and do try to get us to focus on OURSELVES and not the one who has left us.
It is hard though- as I know you know. Shoot IMP - I am watching American Idol and the stupid song was "Hopelessly devoted to you" and I freakin' started crying.
The every day. Yes that is the struggle. The mind - the day. UGH!! The fears of being alone forever. Same song. New verse. Even today - I thought man I jsut want to talk to someone. (yes a male) but I was thinking...I have puked on my friends...I am over "putting it on them." Even this weekend. H was an idiot..layed in bed with d11 and bimbo bitch.. (started watching a movie and then of course she planned to freakin' sleep there!!)
My d11? She says "daddy this isn't working for me..." so THEY get up to go to another room. When informed bimbo says..."oh I will just leave." It is the stuff like that!! I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!! I hurt - I HURT!!! (then tonight he drops off a freakin' little package at our front door for d11...and he spells her middle name wrong???!!! WHAT THE H!!)
Sorry...just needing to vent - cry I dont know what anymore!! MY GOSH it has been a year since the bomb...coming up on our new anniversary. I AM SICK OF IT!!!I HURT I WANT TO MOVE ON AND GROW AND JUST FREAKIN GET OVER IT!!! I MEAN IT!!
I am so tired! So tired of being sad. So tired of thinking "if he would just..." So tired. I feel like a failure spiritually, I feel like a failure as a woman. How can I say anything about marriage..mine failed!!! MINE! I PUT MY HEART into it!!
And yes - I lost me. BUt why find me now? What is the point? Sorry I am moping yes. I am sorry. (and yes I think it may be pms time...)
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
