Germ, I don't understand why she has a no-contact order against you. Aren't they usually used abusive situations, to keep abusives away from people they are harming? You said she got physical with you, you filed a report, but yet she got a no-contact order? How did she do that? I realize you may not have answers but that is really confusing. Perhaps she does have some sort of PD.
It does seem extreme that after a fairly long-term relationship, you just go no contact. It would be nice to have closure. Can you somehow make that a part of the D agreement -- that you need closure? You said you could contact her via the lawyer. I have a feeling she doesn't want to hear from you. But on the other hand, what would it hurt. But you don't want to get yourself in trouble with the no-contact order.
I don't think you're in denial or unhealthy. You're M has ended in a horrible way. If you didn't have any feelings something would be wrong with you! You're grieving and that is a natural process. Give yourself some time. Are you still seeing a C?
Most people here at least a chance to try work things out in some way or another; although sometimes it's only one spouse doing the trying. It doesn't seem like you're going to get that chance. That is so unfair. I'm sure you feel like your hands are not only tied, but caked in a block of concrete.
If the no-contact stays in place, you're not left with much choice. Surround yourself with family or friends. Seek out support groups. Stay busy. (And everything RunningOutOfTime suggested.) You sound like a very sincere, caring, warm person ... someone who deserves a chance, but she couldn't give it to you.
