Maybe he DOES miss you!! and that is why he is contacting you!! but maybe he is not expressing this in the exact way you want him to. But that doesn't mean it's not a possibility!!!
Ali, if this helps at all, my H doesn't even call. Hardly at all anyway. Very rare. But will email just fine. BUT, he tells me he cares about me. I don't know if that means as a person or as a wife, but at least there's care there. There sure wasn't 18 months ago as far as he was concerned!
I agree with Jeff and Michelle and I think everyone else on your thread that to restart or renew your relationship with BF that you have to start as friends. I don't think we are able to just jump back in from where we left off because it's been severed. Something wasn't working in the old scenario.. so instead a new more familiar friendship begins.. with patience that friendship will once again become the loving relationship that you are waiting for.. only this time it will be stronger and more beautiful!!
You've been doing wonderfully... we all have down times... just try to hang in there, please! I truly see progress being made in your situation!
W2G
PS. Please email me and let me know all the info I'll need to give you. My email address (without the spaces) is nikisings @ hotmail.com
Oh Ali, I felt sad reading how tough this last stretch has been for you. I hear the distress and frustration and panic. I've been moving back and forth through these same kinds of feelings myself. You've got these external stressors too with the tenants who need to be institutionalized. I bet this whole thing feels so incredibly unfair.
I hear the part of you that wants to fight against the messages of hopefulness that others are showing you here. It can be so hard to see light in the midst of so much sense of loss, and the positives that are there just seem to fall so far short of what your heart is yearning for. It's very painful and takes tremendous courage to keep your heart open for someone you love when it's not feeling reciprocated.
I do support what others are saying here that there is more positive in the big picture (remember: zoom out--waaaaay out). But I want to invite you to--in the midst of the horribleness of the loss--to appreciate your heart and gutsiness and loveability. It's super painful that he's not able to demonstrate that caring right now. I suspect he's much too confused and fuddled...certainly from what you've written, it's a stretch to conclude that he's operating from a calm, sane, rational basis. He's distracting with alcohol, trying to avoid his own hurt. Why do you think he's drinking every night--often by himself?? Because he is hurting. Why is he hurting? Because this is a big loss for him and he cares about you. It's not going to be easy for him to reach out directly to you right now.
Please consider appreciating yourself a little more...when I've been following along with you in your journey, I feel like you are a compassionate, loyal, and caring woman. I think you may not be giving yourself enough credit for how well you've been handling all this madness!
((((((Ali))))))
We're all here for you, Ali. Breathe and lean on us. As a combined group, we're strong.
