Meredith..your 5 years continuned.

[cagzmom]

YOU did not drive him away, YOU did not cause him to make the choices he did, YOU did not make him quit counseling. He did all of these things. Enforcing that boundary did not cause all of this, Czm!!! My best guess is that if you hadn't set that boundary (which, in my opinion, was a good one), he may have done the counseling thing for a bit, and would have most definitely seen OW behind your back

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Agreed in the head...just the heart. It is wierd. ITs like the first time I do something FOR ME right? AND I did it NOT to get him back - not to coherce none of it. IT WAS FOR ME. YET in setting the boundary I lost him. I know he was gone mentally already. AND to be honest I was in a good place for a couple of days....but telling him I couldn't do it..giving him his house key back..telling him he was free. Him crying...it was sad. And now today look 5 months later...he is gone. He hasn't grown or changed. He hasn't worked on himself. He is still running.

I know in my old ways of thinking, I would have taken responsibility for it also, so I am not trying to jump all over you here. I would have thought that the counseling would have "saved" us, and I messed up that opportunity.

YOU HIT IT ON THE HEAD....this chance. THE CHANCE...it is gone. (at least that is how I feel)

Pam you are right on. I know I can not save him. He doesn't want me to and he dosen't want to be saved. One thing I can tell you for SURE about my h. He does NOTHING that he doesn't want to...NOTHING.

So- I am here - trying to work on me. I am here trying to let go of what I dont even have. I am here.