Partner left after 9 years - now we're friends??

[AliSuddenly]

hey Jeff.. you are very perceptive ! When you say "You can influence what happens, too! If you think something big is going to happen, you can force it! Might not be what you want though."

Thats true. But thats what I meant, I am an intuitive person and I can sense that there are conditions coming up where something is going to shift...and I have a choice how I handle that and I am sensing that I want to force it to some extent as I have been more brave and honest and NORMAL on my emails with him. So far, he responds in teh same tone, but its all a bit...bland ??

And also, about the age and babies thing...spot on ! Exactly my thinking! I've known him 12 years and we were together 9, he was my Mr Right and as I am 37 (!!) next week, no, I dont relish going out to find another LTR, neverlone one where they could possibly father children with me within the first year of the R! What a nightmare! I was mad at him for doing this to me. I hate that I am now a classic "Bridget Jones", I never wanted to be in this position.

Having said that though, its more important to get my BF back than to be single and start looking for another BF, despite the possibility of never being able to have kids if I leave it too long. When I think about this stuff, I get a bit depressed, as I feel a bit old and annoyed at myself for complacently drifting along assuming we would have kids "one day" as we discussed.

..his last email to me tonight said "erm, good luck!" - for the viewing...that was all. I'm thinking, maybe I shouldnt reply to that (as it was only 3 words long !!!) tommorow? Just leave it? See if he initiates contact with me? We had none on Monday and it was me that initiated contact Tuesday which started off this latest run of emails. Maybe I should stop? See what he does???

I can wait it out till the summer, as I am in love with him still anyway, so realistically, I'm not emotionally available to meet anyone else !

Ali
______________
Me: 36 (37 soon !)
H: 34
T: 9 years
ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07
Own apartment: 26 Jan 08