Every thought, every worry, every doubt you have is completely understandable. Going through all of these emotions is a very normal process. You have been deceived, in one of the worst ways possible, so naturally it is very difficult to not have upsetting thoughts about H's actions. It's really hard to trust and believe his intentions.
I don't want you to feel that you're wrong or that I'm telling you you're wrong for what you are feeling. You're not, and I'm not at all. I'm suggesting ways to help you cope with the obsessive thoughts and work your way to eventually ridding yourself of them. This is your imagination running wild on you; they are not facts.
If you want to overcome these intrusive thoughts, you have to find ways to get them out of your head. Easier said than done, I know it. But if you want your sanity back, not to mention your M, then you've got to be strong and try. Don't vent at home; continue to come here to do it.
I see so many positives in your sitch. Your H seems to be giving quite a bit of effort towards repairing the R.
Now, what have you done for your PMA today?
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
