Does my definition of sex differ from my W's? I know this has been a sore spot in the past. When I've asked for more intimacy, my W thinks I'm asking for intercourse, but I don't necessarily always want or need this. I really do enjoy just being physically close. Maybe that's what the challenge could be for us... Dedicate at least 5 or 10 minutes daily to close, physical intimacy. If it leads to more, great. If not, that's okay too.
Personally, I would love this, but my H feels that if he's not getting enough S I shouldn't be entitled to intimacy/affection/whatever. Today has been a bad day and I really need a big hug...but I won't get one unless I initiate S...which is the last thing on my mind today (my terminal sister is having a bad day).
What exactly are you considering physical intimacy? That would indicate to me you are speaking of touching, caressing, kissing, etc - which is foreplay. and the whole reason for foreplay is to transition into sexual intercourse.
Foreplay gets you excited, and then if your wife says ok enough of this "physical intimacy" i'd like to got to sleep now or i need to go do the dishes - you will be left feeling frustrated and wishing more had happened. And most likely she can pick up on that feeling of yours...and then you would not be telling the truth that you are ok with just 5 or 10 minutes of physical intimacy.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
What exactly are you considering physical intimacy? That would indicate to me you are speaking of touching, caressing, kissing, etc - which is foreplay. and the whole reason for foreplay is to transition into sexual intercourse.
I really don't think the whole reason for foreplay should be the expected transition into intercourse. I really do enjoy foreplay just for foreplay. Really. Honestly.
Originally Posted By: Mom of 2 Cherubs
Foreplay gets you excited, and then if your wife says ok enough of this "physical intimacy" i'd like to got to sleep now or i need to go do the dishes - you will be left feeling frustrated and wishing more had happened.
Of course it gets me excited. That is only natural and to be expected, but you are trying to mind read on the feelings H may be having. I could understand if the sexual encounters are few and far between, that having foreplay and then stopping short would be frustrating (for both parties). I believe that regular acts of intimacy are a great way to help build that sexual desire and tension. Being flirty and maybe a little naughty. It would be like going out and having just appetizers when your not in the mood for the full meal or just don't have the time. Sometimes the appetizers are just better in that particular restaurant, but you still should experience the full five (or seven) course meal everyonce in a while.
Originally Posted By: Mom of 2 Cherubs
And most likely she can pick up on that feeling of yours...and then you would not be telling the truth that you are ok with just 5 or 10 minutes of physical intimacy.
Really, truly... I'm okay with just 5 or 10 minutes of appetizers and really do prefer that myself sometimes over the full meal. Or maybe sometimes just a salad. I think it is just like most other things in life. You need to maintain a balance. Some level of daily intimacy is good and healthy and keeps both parties interested, but I do understand it is not an obligation or a duty. It should be enjoyed by both.
hope - you sound very giving and unselfish to me. For example, this week, I'm having a rough week. We are following 2 weeks of no S because H was sick then I hurt my neck. Instead of offering me comfort, he chooses to sleep on the couch because it's too frustrating for him to sleep in bed with me and not have S. It's all about him and his needs, and believe me, I've read every book and tried everything AND things were better before this recent lull because we had agreed to take turns initiating.
So...you go for the intimacy. It will help as long as you are sincere that you won't lay on any guilt or frustration.
My H thinks if he hugs me once that that satisfies my intimacy need. He doesn't realize it takes three times as long to undo a bad deed or word than it does to create that negative moment.
I hope this isnt too bold a question to voice here.. But do women ever push their lover away as a test? A test to see how you will respond? When I get the "go away" sign, I do just that, I go away. Usualy scratching my head as to why. And if that might be the case what is the best way to respond? Maybe she feels im not interested becuase I just back off so easy? This isn't my first rodeo for lack of better words, and this concept of pushing away is new to me. What saddens me the most is in the first few months of our relationship, I actualy had to push her away on a couple of ocasisions cause I actualy could'nt keep up with her! Now, I get pushed away regularly, what a twist!
Coldfoot, I would say that a woman pushes a man away to be playful sometimes. Next time, try again, and again. If she starts getting super P.O.'d, then quit. But be flirtatious! A woman likes a strong man!
Kellie ------ Me - 27 H - 31 S - born 8/18/2007 Married - 4/24/2005 Together - 7/03/2002
What exactly are you considering physical intimacy?
I can't speak for HFF of course but I agree that intimacy (not physical intimacy) needs to be a constant in a marriage. To me, intimacy has many levels - anywhere from quiet moments alone to full-blown sex.
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EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
What exactly are you considering physical intimacy?
I can't speak for HFF of course but I agree that intimacy (not physical intimacy) needs to be a constant in a marriage. To me, intimacy has many levels - anywhere from quiet moments alone to full-blown sex.
I think we speak the same language in that area Michael. Just had a converstation along this topic last night with W. I mentioned that I really notice (and enjoy) when she initiates physical contact. Even the little touches are important to me, like when she reaches out to touch my shoulder or hold my hand.
