Status 2 - W friendlier but still very distant

[Just_Me]

fb2,

I think it's fair to say that R talks are on the official list of "what doesn't work". Hey, I guess now you know.

I have a couple points. My first is that you don't have any detachment. Easier said than done, but she just has to sound "friendlier" and you figure, "no harm done, maybe an improvement". Well, it is possible for the WAS to be friendly. In fact, from reading posts on here for quite a while, I'd say that friendly is more common than angry. Do I know what it means? No, but I know it doesn't necessarily mean that they want to get back with you. When you have kids you're stuck with this person basically forever. So, might as well be friendly, and maybe that's all it is.

We are supposed to look for little signs that things are working, but we get so wrapped up in looking for these signs that pretty soon anything that isn't a negative (like your wife's attack on you) may be a positive. There comes a point where you just have to tell yourself that you will live your own life, be the best you can be, and wait for more than a baby-step. I see as many babysteps mean nothing as mean something. It seems that when you're in the sinking boat, like most everyone on here is in, that reconciliations are preceding more by giant steps than baby-steps. The spouse opens up their mouth and lets the words about potentially reconciling come out. It's just my experience, but the WAS actually doesn't beat around the bush if they are considering reconciling. Maybe you should detach a bit, avoid negative interactions (since those are usually pretty easy to spot), focus on what you are doing, and wait to be hit on the side of the head when/if she's making a giant leap.

Sometimes things on here slow down quite a bit and responses aren't real quick. If you feel that being on here though is holding you back from detaching, then take a step back. Post infrequently. Whatever you need to do for yourself. As you detach from being so hung up on your wife and focus on your own happiness, you won't feel the need so much to seek advice on what this or that means or what little thing you could attempt to woo your wife.