Thanks beginners. Although this weekend was a meltdown on one hand it was a break through on the other. I don't like getting to the place of yelling, but it showed me something. One my H did the research and found out I was right. He called and apologized today. That gave a me a chance to say sorry for yelling, which was good.
One thing I have learned in my case is I need to be tough. Not yelling, but firm in my stance of what I will except and firm in myself as to what my feelings are and know that I have the right to express them. I don't need to yell, just to say no to hurtful actions and here is how I feel. Then step back and do nothing..in other words not worry about if my H likes it or not..let him deal with his feelings.
We all have the right to feel. We can't expect others to feel the same way of do what we want or feel what we want, but we have the right to feel our own feelings and express them in a responsible way, they let others decide their own stuff.
As far as the divorce, I think it is time I expect him to do the right thing(by law)as an adult and my H of 26 years. I expect him to be responsible for himself, act in good faith, and I will not except less. This is what I told him today. Now I will see what he does.
