You know what the first boundary in my life was? (ok that I can remember) It was in September when H started talking with OW again. I said that I would be his friend and help him through his stuff on 2 conditions no ow and go to counseling. WELL HE CHOSE HER AND QUIT counseling. This is suppose to be better for me....yet I lost my husband.
I only have a few minutes as I have some places to be today, but I needed to respond to this.
PLEASE don't do this to yourself!
YOU did not drive him away, YOU did not cause him to make the choices he did, YOU did not make him quit counseling. He did all of these things. Enforcing that boundary did not cause all of this, Czm!!! My best guess is that if you hadn't set that boundary (which, in my opinion, was a good one), he may have done the counseling thing for a bit, and would have most definitely seen OW behind your back.
I know in my old ways of thinking, I would have taken responsibility for it also, so I am not trying to jump all over you here. I would have thought that the counseling would have "saved" us, and I messed up that opportunity.
Pfffffft. (Is that the right way to show air being blown out of your mouth in a disgusted manner? Well, it is now!)
Had he gone to counseling, he would have been phoning it in at that point, more than likely. If it makes you feel better, I was in counseling with my H 10 years ago and those lessens are just NOW making sense to him. Now that he is ready for them. Your H isn't at that place. And that is most definitely not your fault. And, it is not your responsibility to get him there. Hell, it isn't even possible, anyway.
So, PLEASE drop this guilt now. This is all on him. You take responsibility for the things you can (and need to...for YOUR OWN happiness) change. The rest? A waste of your energy.
Betsey, glad to have you on board. Mer, still missing you.
