My husband is having an affair

[MichelleLT]

Buy Divorce Remedy and read it about 6 times! Especially the chapter on infidelity.

Do NOT bring up OW and what is going on. He is dealing with a lot of emotions right now - the new romance, the lust, and deep down a lot of guilt. He does not need his nose rubbed in it. I made that mistake, it pushed him out the door 100 times faster.

Your first goal is to calm things down at home for your child and your sanity. I'm not saying act as if nothing has changed, but you do need to take care of yourself and your child. Take time for yourself, whether it's to work out, read, take a bath, or watch a movie. Distance yourself from his insanity. DO NOT ask questions about the affair right now. You probably can't emotionally handle the answers, and it's only going to make him more certain he wants to leave. NO SNOOPING. It's a mistake, learn from my mistakes and don't learn it the hard way please.

What are three things you'd like to do for yourself? Get your hair done? Lose weight? Get in better shape? Spend more time with your child? Focus on that. He has to work through his own issues. He is afraid you will leave him again, so he has put up walls to protect himself. He probably started confiding those fears in this woman, and then felt closer to her than you, and then decided to give things a go with her. He will have to choose between her and his marriage eventually, but NOW is NOT the time to make him choose.

You hurt him. You walked away from him. He is scarred from that, he doesn't trust you, he doesn't see you as a friend or confidant. He doesn't see that there is hope of working things out.

You have to put the seed of doubt into his mind. You have to be the person he remembers falling in love with. You have to earn back his trust. You have to be his friend. All easier said than done, I know. But you are still living together, you have a lot more contact than I do with my H. You have a way better chance of turning things around. So, don't waste any time.