Your S4 was very brave to tell his father what was on his mind.
Quote:
You know sweety...some days I really do think it would be best if God just took me out of this torturous ride....some days, I think H, ow and my kids would be so much better off if I were just to take the next EXIT...and just never come back. They would all live their happily ever after !
I have to admit, I have this thought a lot. BUT, I always come to my senses and realize that if I was to do something stupid, I would be hurting my children the most. I know my kids like the ow very much, maybe even love her, but I know they love me more and they count on me to be their solid rock, just like your children. The children have all those wondering thoughts in their eyes because of YOU! Don't take that away from them.
Your S4 even knows who is the better woman.
I know it hurts, I feel like we are on the never ending rollercoaster ride.
I had to put down my darlin less than 2 months ago. Well, really, it was H's boy, but H wouldn't do it. What he did do was ask to do it 3 hours after it had been done... And to boot that was the day after the first wedding anniversary after the separation.
That was one of maybe five major turning points in the last two months that have made me reach the point where I don't much care if my marriage works out (I think I'm about midway through the MLC handbook) even though I wholeheartedly believe in it - because this has not been my choice. But the funny thing is that with that space I am able to see the situation much more clearly, see him much more clearly, and feel free to breathe again without having to wait for his reactions to everything I do (which made it easier when I heard this w/e that he's now living with and currently on holiday with OW).
I guess this got to be about getting some things off my chest too !
I see such amazing people in these posts, some having good days and some having bad - it's great that there are others out there who feel the same way about their families. Know that your beloved puppy will always, ALWAYS know that you loved him/her.
(((hugs)))
---------------------- H 40 W 38 M 7 T 15 Left 06/04/07 OW confirmed
Cinders ((((((((((hugs))))))). I'm so sorry all this is happening to you.
About H and what your S4 said to him. My kids are all teenagers (well nearly) and they too have said similar things to my H (although obviously in more grown up language ). It's usually my D12 who is most prolific with this. When she does my H blames her sister! You see my D17 used to be our 'problem' child and certainly can be very quick with her tongue when she want to be BUT since H left she has turned her life around and become such a rock for me. I hate that my H puts all of this blame on her. However the point is that it doesn't matter who they blame, we know the truth. IMO they also know the truth but they just don't want to admit hence the deflecting of the blame onto someone else. That's also why he wasn't happy with your TM he knows it was wrong but doens't want to admit it.
WRT to your dog can I just say one thing. I don't know if you have prepared your kids for what you are about to do but if not please do. When I was about 10 I went out to play one evening. Our dog, who had been my constant companion and protector since the day I was born was old and his back legs had gone. He was not well. My dad took him to the vets to have him put to sleep whilst we were all out playing. It was a summer's evening so it was light nights. When I came home Pete(the dog) was gone and I had not been given the chance to say goodbye. I love my father dearly but after all these years I still find it difficult to forgive him for this. I know he did it b/c he found it so hard himself, the dog would do anything for him and they too were constant companions BUT even children need to be able to say goodbye.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
WOW, why does it feel that I am once again defending myself ?
Not to worry, Cinders. It won't happen again.
Good luck.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
MrsH - (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) right back at you !
Cam1771 - what an honor that you posted on my thread, and a very warm welcome here where people care unconditionaly about each other....I'm sorry that you are here though, for we all would wish you to be in happier times !
I hope that many of the wonderful people here will help you through this !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Finding this whole DB forum and knowing that I'm not the only person who believes in doing backflips for their marriage is definitely comforting regardless of where things end up - before finding the book ( which I could easily have done with 6 months earlier - duh! ) I was starting to feel like I was the only one on the planet - seriously.
---------------------- H 40 W 38 M 7 T 15 Left 06/04/07 OW confirmed
WRT to your dog can I just say one thing. I don't know if you have prepared your kids for what you are about to do but if not please do. When I was about 10 I went out to play one evening. Our dog, who had been my constant companion and protector since the day I was born was old and his back legs had gone. He was not well. My dad took him to the vets to have him put to sleep whilst we were all out playing. It was a summer's evening so it was light nights. When I came home Pete(the dog) was gone and I had not been given the chance to say goodbye. I love my father dearly but after all these years I still find it difficult to forgive him for this. I know he did it b/c he found it so hard himself, the dog would do anything for him and they too were constant companions BUT even children need to be able to say goodbye.
Don't worry, the kids know and have taken pictures with her today and given her lots of cuddles...our D7 is the one who is most dog crazy and for her it's tough, yet she understands very well what is going to happen tomorrow.
S4 knows, but not sure how much he understands.
D9 is not here and cannot be contacted, but she knew before she left that there was a possibility. D9, does not like dogs, she thinks they are yukky and unclean....to be honest I think that when she gets back on Friday, she will not even notice the dog gone...but just incase, I will have lots of love and cuddles for her ready and standing by ! xxx
PS, I'm so sorry about your puppy ....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I'm struggling a bit these past few days, but all in all, I am living one day at a time and enjoying my life with my kids, family and dear friends...afterall, that's what it's about, finding enjoyement in the things we do.
xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Great that you are so positive. We all have the odd flat day - even the OW !!!! ;-) I often like to see myself through the eyes of the people I have around me who love and support me. How great they are reflects on how fabulous you must be to have them around you.
Time for bed for me here on the other side of the world, but know that my thoughts are with you and your kids for tomorrow.
xoxox
---------------------- H 40 W 38 M 7 T 15 Left 06/04/07 OW confirmed
). It's usually my D12 who is most prolific with this. When she does my H blames her sister! You see my D17 used to be our 'problem' child and certainly can be very quick with her tongue when she want to be BUT since H left she has turned her life around and become such a rock for me. I hate that my H puts all of this blame on her. However the point is that it doesn't matter who they blame, we know the truth. IMO they also know the truth but they just don't want to admit hence the deflecting of the blame onto someone else. That's also why he wasn't happy with your TM he knows it was wrong but doens't want to admit it.