So H was rather quiet all evening until he came into the room and spoke about paying off his loan. When asked if that's what was bothering him, he said no.
Hmmm....I'm no expert, but I think it's possible that was exactly what was bothering your H. As you've stated, he's not very responsible with money, and I'm sure he realizes this. It probably doesn't make him feel very good about himself either, and this could explain why he becomes or appears to be distant - not talkative, sitting away from everyone else, staring off into space, etc.
I know I've had times where I doubted myself or just had something bothering me and needed space to gather my thoughts. When someone would ask me if anything was wrong, I would almost always say no, even when it wasn't true. It's possible that your H had the money issue on his mind and didn't really want to talk about it - he might've been feeling embarrassed or ashamed by it.
Next time H goes to sit in his chair and seems to be troubled, try approaching him with something like, "Hey there. What's on your mind?" If he wants to talk, let him. Really listen to what he is saying and validate. If he doesn't want to talk, then gently back off and let him be. Don't take it personal; this is just something he wants and needs to deal with on his own.
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Well I am sure I looked like I wanted to cry when I said no because he said What???
What was on YOUR mind? Why did it look like you were about to cry?
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... there was a text saying he had stopped for a beer and would be back at 9. I sent a text asking where - he repled, the local bar he used to be a reg at. Did I want a tea when he came home? ..... So he came home at 9 with the tea ...
One positive after another!
Your H is clearly being accountable for his whereabouts, and he's demonstrating caring behaviors (asking about AND bringing tea home for you).
AND he kept to his word - he was home when he said he would be.
Fantastic!
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Well I had already gone back to my room to watch tv and when I came back out to the computer about 20 min later there was 2 texts, the tea and then r u mad at me? Because I hadn't responded.
Ok so H made an assumption. He assumed you might've been upset with him because you didn't immediately respond the second time.
Assumptions will happen. We do them ourselves sometimes, too, don't we?
Perhaps you could help H with a little reassurance by letting him know that you weren't upset with him at all. Just explain that you were simply away from the phone at that time.
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So he came home at 9 with the tea, and all of a sudden was in a decent mood again, nothing spectacular but he could speak. It is hard for me not to think when he left he contacted ow and his mood prior to that had something to do with needing to talk to her.
Perhaps enjoying that refreshing beer is what lifted his spirits.
Don't assume it was anything else. Assumptions can often be bad, bad, BAD.
Remember, neecy - POSITIVE thoughts.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
