You don't need to convince me - I just meant to be sure of it for yourself.
"I don't think and never will think they they feel no pain about their decision."
This I agree with but I think based on the rest of your statement ("I don't see any pain on their part") that this may have been a typo.
It's going to be really tough for you to develop any empathy for your H if you continue to believe that, and I can almost guarantee from reading so many stories here that empathy will be critical if he does decide to come back. That's a key to pretty much every success story. You can see it all throughout the Piecing threads.
You might get some benefit from reading some of the threads here on the "I'm thinking about leaving" forum: (they were a huge eye opener for me in the early days of trying to understand all this):
I wish I could find it - there's a long thread (or maybe series of threads) from a WAH who decided to come back. He and his W posted back and forth for awhile about what he went through before leaving, ending the A, coming back, etc. I was totally shocked at HOW much pain the H had experienced before he left. The A in that case I think developed as many do - a "friend" empatizing with him about all the pain he was in, "truly listening" to him, helping him realize there were other alternatives out there and - whoops all of a sudden SHE is the "other alternative."
Granted your sitch may be different. I haven't seen it yet, but maybe you had a happy, healthy, loving M and your H had an A anyway. Like I said haven't seen it yet - but I'm sure it happens, especially for people who don't value monogamy. In a lot of ways yours sounds to me like he never really wanted to be married to begin with and for whatever reason he did it anyway (which I think is a really cruel thing to do to you).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
