Help Me Act AS IF, Part 3

[newnamenewlife]

My H seems to be going "deeper into the tunnel" these days, as they say. He's more remote--physically and emotionally--than ever. He doesn't even peck me goodbye or hello anymore or say good night when we go to sleep (same bed) unless I do first. Should I continue doing those things, or stop? It scares me that the more neither of us does anything H&W-like, the more we establish how non-married we are.

Today he had lunch with a former colleage, a woman. He told me he was having lunch with her. I've never met her. He left me a phone message a while ago saying he was going to go straight to his chorus rehearsal later without coming home first.
Now, the fact is, he is unemployed and he does spend a lot of time in the library or a cafe with his laptop, and that is most likely what he will do today. But for the first time, I started to wonder if he's having an affair with this woman. I honestly don't think so, knowing him. He works in an industry with more women than men and has always had female friends. And as shi**y as he is being toward me lately, I do think he would not cross that line. Should I ask him directly?

My first impulse upon hearing his message was to call him back and ask where he was going to be for those hours in between lunch and chorus, since our Ds would ask. But I stopped myself. I think he just needs "space" like crazy lately. I want to give it to him, but it hurts so profoundly that the only thing he needs space from is ME. It makes me feel like some castrating b**tch, which I know I am not, even if I have my flaws.