Well things have taken a turn for 'hell'. My S4 took it upon himself tonight to start telling H that he thinks H should tell ow, that she should go search for another daddy. That this daddy can't have two girlfriends...(oh my poor sweet little boy !) I think after he told H this about 7 times, H must have said, no, I am not going to tell her that, and then S4 said, well I WILL !!! (Oh my, how can such a little boy understand the morals of life better than his 36 year old father?!)
Then D7 started trying to explain on the phone what S4 meant and then H at one point said something like 'why is mommy telling him these things'...then D7 said, 'But she's not!' well if we know ONE thing it's that D7 is Extremely honest and cannot lie on the spot...so I think it was obvious. I didn't understand why S4 was saying all that, because I had just been upset with him over throwing water in the bathroom, so it was a totally different topic, yet he took it upon himself to talk about ow and his daddy on the phone.
D7 asked H who was his bestest friend and of course H answered ow ! Then she said, no but who is sweeter, and once again H said ow ! Then D7 said, well I don't think so, I think mommy is sweeter ! My sweet sweet children....if it weren't for them...
Well, H sent a very late TM saying that he would be there tomorrow when I put down our dog.
Guys, I'm sorry,....I did try, I had more than a few 'second opinions'.....it just all boils down to me doing it alone and I cannot do it anymore. This is it for me. This is my limit, however hard it is to admit, that I have found a limit....
About the TM I sent H, I know you all think it was good, but H was not pleased with it. As a matter of fact it bugs him like hell....he does not like being told what to do.
I am sad tonight....life sure surprised me.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Im just soo sorry about everything..its soo hard and I just keep thinking...
"this is NOT what I signed up for"
"I married one of the good guys and I believed in happily ever after"
Im sooo sorry about your puppy. This is the last thing you need. I must tell you though..your children sound just precious. Out of the mouth of babes! I know if it wasnt for my girls watching my every move, some days I would just lay down and die. But we dont, we keep going forward. We have sets of little eyes watching us and while we cant protect them from this h*ll we sure can show them HOW to do it.
You hang in there. You and your children are in my prayers.
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
You know sweety...some days I really do think it would be best if God just took me out of this torturous ride....some days, I think H, ow and my kids would be so much better off if I were just to take the next EXIT...and just never come back. They would all live their happily ever after !
Urgh, I'm sorry, I'm usually much stronger and have more faith, but today, everything is gone....no faith, no hope, no nothing.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
My kid's eyes are indeed FULL of hope and LAUGHTER and JOY and LOVE and FAITH ! They are the most precious thing around me and I cherish them greatly ! (Thanks for the reminder though)
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Perhaps you should focus on those children and what you can do to keep them as safe and happy and out of the middle of things between you and your H as possible. Remember even when you don't think they can year you, they most certainly can. They will pick up on your moods and your words. Kids will mimic what they see and voice what they have heard at the most inopportune times.
Checking out of life will not give your children a happily ever after. ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I didn't mean checking out of life....I just meant leaving...and NO that is not an option for me because I love my children dearly.
I know about what kids may hear grownups say, but I do not talk about ow infront of them or even discuss her with them, unless they come to me with a question. (Which they hardly ever do)
What my S4 said is very strange....I have NEVER said anything like it....maybe someone else has, but not me ! He has said this all once before to me...and to be honest his words surprised me. I too wondered where he had heard it...
Anyway, I DO take care of my kids, it is ALL that I do....I love them, cherish them, wash them, feed them, bathe them....ANYTHING, and I absolutely LOVE doing it...there is not one single complaint there....
I really do try to give them love and happiness, so that they grow to be strong and loving people !
WOW, why does it feel that I am once again defending myself ?
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
