Interesting comment regarding the truth will out eventually.
The college friend of mine who visited last week - he stayed with W in my home overnight (yes, this is the home I pay for, but where I am not welcome). Afterwards we hung out for an afternoon. Those are the words he used with me. "The truth will come out eventually."
I think it is so valuable to have an outside perspective sometimes. Sometimes I get so caught up in the emotion of the situation, the feeling that this is so wrong and so on, that it is very difficult to be patient, be quiet. This friend of mine sees that I am in pain, and there's nothing, absolutely nothing he can do about it. All he can do is assure me that the truth will come out. I am no abuser. I love my kids. The truth will out. She cannot keep this up indefinitely.
I was thinking about it - I am out of the house for 6 months now. For 10% of my youngest daughter's life, I have been away from her, not tucking her in at night, not reading stories with her. 10%. That's a big chunk of her life. Not to mention the 6 months with my other kids. But I am thinking long term. I won't get that 10% back. I won't get the 6 months back. There will be no justice. But that's ok. There will be truth. I am thinking about the next 20, 30, 40 years with her. I want to be there for her *(my daughter!), and for the rest of my kids, for the long term. The truth will out.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
What can you do? Stay close to those who love you. Communicate with people in your inner circle. When you feel you need help, ask for it. People love you and will help.
Trust that you will find a path through this, regardless of your husband's actions.
It won't be what you had envisioned, but you will find a path.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Sir; I do lean on my family and friends and I know they love me but sometimes they don't understand that I'm standing, that he's sick...needs help he doesn't want....I love him...and they want me to give up on him and get over him...
I can't do that, I don't want to do that...not yet...I'm not done yet...just scared...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
It is amazing how our H's reacts. Yours is to the other family (inlaws of yours) the same or nicer. Mine too. My inlaw family say he is changed a lot to a better person. (Grrrr what???) They are telling also that OW is nice and trying hard to be kindly (Yikes) Do they forget that H and OW had an affaire for almost one year without telling anyone???? It seems so easy for them to go along with this stuff. To you your H is reacting with anger. Mine is too!Cold, very much distant, don't care. I try to be very kind but he is always angry and blaming for everything that he thinks (!!!!) I say. And than at work: I don't know how mine is reacting there (you have inside information. That is good!) but I do know that it isn't going well. That he isn't working that much anymore, not compare like before to this job!And things are not well at work And than the kids. My hart is bleeding about that. And you have three of them! My H is very weard to my S(22). H is trying to be nice but he's always doing somewere stupid things!
I am visiting your threat often. I am not keeping mine intact.Maybe later. My H is pushing a lot to settle the money but I am trying to hold that a little. I have now a good L to advice me. So I think at the end of March that will be done (H thinks it will be done tomorrow if I say yes. I won't because I do know this is not a good deal he is offering me)H is saying to me that it must be quikly done with the settlement because he has to live his life now with OW! (All the talking is about him!) I try to hold the D, but I don't know yet how long I can do that. It is all happening so fast! I also cry a lot because I don't understand this alien! Waking up in the middle of the night and thinking this isn't true!!! And it is hard to be alone, realy alone!
So I am here reading your threat (and others) and feeling all the things you are! Take care Treese. I think you are a wonderfull and warm woman.
Hugs Merel
H50 Me50 S22 T34,LT7,M23 OW12/06 bomb11/07 Moved out11/07
My heart bleeds for you and everyone here...I am thankful I have this board to come to...hold out as long as you can on the D..keep finding things that delay it...if you can't think of anything ask your L...tell them you believe in your M and you want to stop the D...
YOur H like mine is in lala land...they are having the time of their lives with the OW and being free....it has to end...it isn't all green grass...and the OW...well...she is the poison ivy.. as my D15 says, It WILL come back to bite them in the butt..and then they will be very lonely...
I feel for your son...my son is only 10 and just doesn't understand and he can't put in to words how he feels...I'm afraid some day it will come out in a very painful way..I am keeping on top of that...I shower my kids with hugs and love...they are the joys of my life...D21 comes home on Monday and we can't wait...we miss her and she is truly my rock...I need her right now. And so does my son...he loves her so much. It was actually a wish they had to write about in school. He wished his sister would come home because he misses her...I cried..no matter what my H says my kids are hurting... and he doesn't see it...he only sees them maybe an hour a week...I am left to pick up the pieces and I never tell H whats going on...why, he really doesn't care right now..
I have met some really great people here on the board and we all have something in common..we have MLC spouses...and they are Aliens...some day they'll crash and we'll be much stronger and much better people.. we win....
((((hugs)))
hang in there and stop by anytime..
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
they don't understand that I'm standing, that he's sick...needs help he doesn't want....I love him...and they want me to give up on him and get over him...
I can't do that, I don't want to do that...not yet...I'm not done yet...just scared...
No, people don't understand, but we do. That's why divorce is so common, because people give up. But you're standing. Good for you. I'm glad.
People want you to "Get over him" because they don't want to see you hurt. Nobody does. DBing says - take care of yourself! It's not about you, it's him. Be strong for yourself. So really it is the same sentiment you hear from your friends. They don't want you to be hurt either. They want you to take care of yourself too.
The key is, you can do both. You can take care of yourself AND stand for marriage at the same time. You don't need to "cut him loose" in order to take care of yourself. Well, I don't, anyway.
At some point you may decide, enough is enough. Sounds like you are not there yet. Sounds like you want to stand. Good.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Thanks...I had taxes done last night and H said he wanted to come over and discuss the bills, and a budget..etc..is that so he can cut loose quicker?? Then he was talking about having the land line phone removed, cut out the paper, and cut down on the cable....I said, "why are you trying to take everything away from me." and he said, "I'm not". and "we" this and "we" that...I'm really scared.....
I talked to another friend and he told me to hold on it might get rough once H finds out how little there really is left at the end of the month...I just don't want to cry in front of him...I may be doing a lot of venting in the near future....get ready...
and he is telling everyone at his job that our "split" was mutual..What?? Is this his way of saving face?...Is he really totally done with me and putting himself out there as single?
Sir: what state do you live in???
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Believe none of what they say! And half of what they do!
The WAS will say anything, but it's often not really true. "our split was mutual" is just one example.
The money worries are not what you need right now, but it looks like they are coming. What can you do to make this easier on yourself? Do you have people that might be able to help out? Are there ways to save more or earn more in the short term? Ways to cut costs?
Your hubby appears to be pushing for a financial separation, maybe not a legal one, but at least a practical one. Have you got an attorney? Seriously, now is a good time to have a consult with one, if you haven't already. I can't recall. It is a good way to protect yourself. Listen, if you are like I was, you don't even want to THINK about separation and divorce. The problem is, you may not have a choice. So now may be a good time to consult with an attorney, not to push for a divorce mind you, but to protect yourself, come what may.
ps: I live in the Seattle area!
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I did see an attorney a while ago just to get some info but then talked to a friend who gave me another name..I am going to set something up with her....I didn't want to do this but I guess I have not choice now...it's getting scary....I just don't know what he's thinking from one minute to the next...he says he just wants to get things paid off but I'm sure he has a plan....I wish I knew but I guess so does everyone here...
Thanks for the advice....
MLC sucks!!!
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I read a book awhile back about men being shame based and women being fear based. It was interesting on it's own and sounds like you h is trying to save face. How does it hurt you if he does? I know it isn't the truth (and it just plain hurts b/c of that), but would it be to your advantage to "out" him to everybody? The people he works with don't matter.
