My situation is somewhat dynamic. My 17,19 S are having a difficult time with our separation (1/7/08)-she moved out, I am in the house. Even though W filed on 11/21/07 we have not told them yet. My 17 son spent a good deal of time with me being very emotional on Sunday because of all the stress he is under-classmate was killed in a car accident, GF problems, exams, college applications and the situation between me and his mom. His grades are in decline and he can't seem to pull himself up from the downward spiral. I set up a meeting with his HS counselor to try to help him with the emotional load he is carrying. I sent an email to WAW telling her that I was going in to meet with the counselor and she was welcome to attend. Our 19 son has been avoiding us because he can't deal with the situation. He confided in me (maybe WAW-I don't know yet) that he has visited a therapist on campus- which is a good thing. Both children are in severe distress and we have not told them of the D yet!
WAW sent me an email today asking if I wanted to get together to talk about the kids tommorow night. She is feeling a lot of guilt at the pain she is causing in our family. 17S rarely opens up to her the way he opens up to me and I think she wants to know more. I don't want to add to her guiilt but there is a lot of stress going on right now and she should proabably be aware of it and I suspect she already is.
Question-do I get together with her to "talk" about the kids and if so how much do I say? I do not want to talk about our R but feel it may come up. I do not want to add to the guilt she feels about breaking up the family but on the other hand all actions have consequences.
Since WAW filed, my main priority is the emotional and spiritual health of my children. I think that me taking the initative to meet with HS counselor demonstrated to her that I am putting their needs above hers and my own. I realize this is a very scary time for DBing. I will try to be upbeat, not initiate R talk and keep focused on my children. How much of their suffering that has been shared with me be told to her? I have been avoiding initiating contact, GAL and letting her think. I have stopped almost all pursuing behavior (well OK I slipped once last week and once this week by sending her a card) and she initiated the contact with me.
I need advice on how to proceed-I don't want to screw this up.
Thanks,
M-47 WAW-48 M-22 T-26 S-17,19 Filed 11.21.07 S-1.7.08 EA since July of 07
