Walk Away Fiancee

[nate75]

Not feeling very good lately. I have not contacted Amy since I told her that she was removed from my insurance on Monday.

I am beating myself up pretty bad over the past couple days. I know am taking more responsibility for the failed relationship than I probably should....but....

I am reading Codependent No More and I am seeing the situation that I created. It is all part of the "Drama Triangle".

First I was on the "rescue" leg. I was the caretaker and fixer. I tried to do everything I could to help her out. I loaned her money, I helped her consolidate debt so she could get out of bartending (then she eventually went back), I helped her get professional clothing, I helped her write essays to get into school, I supported her desire to go to school, I assisted her with her homework, I walked her dogs when needed so she could go to school, I picked up dinner when she needed it, I took care of her dry cleaning, I paid her bills for her (she had a habit of paying them late with her busy schedule which killed her credit card interest rates), started a plan to get her out of debt to the sum of 100k, I did a lot of things (not all) that she wanted to do (going out, plays, comedy shows, movies), and I took her on her life long dream vacation to France.

Next, I went to the "persecutor" leg. This started within the last two months. I was doing all this stuff for her. And what was she doing? Everything for herself...volunteering (when she was in no position to volunteer because she didn't have enough money), school twice a week, coffee shop on sundays to do school work, happy hour with friends, karaoke with coworkers at a gay bar until 3am and 4am (a couple of her coworkers are lesbians and the gay bar is next door to where they work). Where was I? In her brothers basement, miserable that I had been there for almost a year and a half, recovering from my New Years Eve assault...alone. I was negative and going through a rough time. I was no longer the better option so she went out with her friends more....this snowballed and made me more irritated. I then "persecuted" her for not being with ME. This led to her resenting me and feeling like I was controlling her and "keeping her in a box".

This brought me to the final leg where I became the "victim". I yet again became the victim and she left me. Looking at the situation from this perspective...how can you blame her?

Then on the other hand, I look at al the things that I did do....combined with the fact that I treated her really well, that I was fairly romantic (mix tapes, flowers, etc.), that I know I have pretty good bedroom "skills" (several times I made her cry from happiness when being intimate...I was the first person she was with that didn't make her feel dirty about sex), workout 5x a week (6'3", 195#, shaved head, blue eyes, very athletic)....

How could she find better than me?

Who would want 100k in debt?

I thought I was the total package?

How did she stop loving me? I tried my best....

But apparently there is something so horrible about me that she felt it necessary to walk away...it must be my codependancy

Nate