Meredith..your 5 years continuned.

[cagzmom]

Cagz--I know you have great mentors here and I applaud you for working on the tough issues that face you. Go you!

thank you as today seems to be a day of needing encouragement. thank you.

It's a fine line to walk the path of self analysis and using the information to form some semblance of self awareness vs. self castigation and assessing blame (which you undoubtedly have assigned most to you, would that be correct?).

Yes and no. In the beginning it was what did I do wrong? then it was what he is doing wrong...then it was because ow was doing me wrong. Now I am just in a place of changing .. knowing that I am becoming a better, stronger me - and wishing he would have fessed up years ago to "my part" so I could have worked on it. AND YES I KNOW ME and I WOULD HAVE!!! Him? I think early he would have too..but i don't know.

So, right now "the truth" is where you sit at this very moment. Your truth is facing you in the mirror. You can change what you control and nothing else. If you could focus squarely on those issues and commit to changing those things for one purpose and one purpose ONLY--because you WANT to change and not because it's what he or everyone else thinks you should do. I promise you that it's the key to your own happiness, and once you unlock that door, there's no stopping you.

I have been focusing on me - all freakin' year. NOT for him (ok at first yes totally for him. But as I have gone on it has been for me. My OWN happiness. HA seems like a fantasty. (at least today)

For instance, if identifying and supporting your own self worth is truly a goal for yourself, how do you break this rather broad mission down into truly bite-sized and achievable chunks?

I dont know even where to start anymore. Bitesize. I do know I need to do more for me - just the guilt associated with it is often not worth it.

One hint:

[quote] Yes flaw #1 when I love evidentally I give up what is good for me....

Um, we could start here? It might need to begin with some thoughts on why you place others needs on a pedestal and then give your voice away to the lowest bidder? There are a lot of great boundaries that you could make and we could help you work on strategies to enforce them.

Boundaries...you know at 41 I am just learning about them. What is and isn't good for me. You know what the first boundary in my life was? (ok that I can remember) It was in September when H started talking with OW again. I said that I would be his friend and help him through his stuff on 2 conditions no ow and go to counseling. WELL HE CHOSE HER AND QUIT counseling. This is suppose to be better for me....yet I lost my husband.

I'd love to hear more about what you feel is good about you! Do share and let's help you focus on the positive. What you focus on expands... so make sure you're focusing on the GOOD in you and everyone else will see it. Maybe not the bozo you married, but why give one person in 100 all the power of the group?

Yes he has held ALL the power! ALWAYS. That I do see now.

What is good about me?
I am the most loyal person I have ever met.
I am actually pretty good with money (it wasn't me afterall)
I am half way decent looking.
I am a good mom.

Thats where I have gotten today. December of 07 I would have only said that I was loyal.