Thanks FLTC, the big day is Sunday! Even though I will be 50 I have this strange idea that I'm still 25, apparently us guys never do really get it, do we I can't wait to get over this viral bomb that has been implanted in my body!!!! There are a few of us at work who have the same thing, you feel pretty good for a week and then, bang!, you're knocked on your ass again. I'm hoping this last bout will be the last. It's hard to keep your thinking right when you're exhausted all the time, but I try. I've been having strange dreams about my W lately, I'm hugging her and telling her I thought I'd never find her again...wow, talk about fantasy! last night D14 asked me about Coffee Buddy, whether we ever talk anymore. I said that we did not, we don't see each other at all. D said "If you did see her would you say hi?" and I replied "Of course I would, but I think it's better that we don't see each other for now, she's not comfortable with our friendship and I don't want her to be uncomfortable with me" D said "I'm sorry about what happened, Dad". So, of course, CB thoughts started coming to me last night. I try to push these kinds of thoughts away but when I'm tired, sick and feeling alone it sneaks in there sometimes. I remembered the night we went for a walk in the park and CB told me what a strong man I was and how I amazed her, she told me how sometimes she hurt so badly inside for me and comforted me when I told her how I'd broken down at work recently, she said "you've carried so much pain for such a long time, it has to come out and it's OK, let it happen" I just wanted to take her in my arms that night and give her the biggest hug. My eyes filled with tears last night, it's too bad that such a nice connection was made at such an inopportune time. I will push these thoughts away, just as I do with my W dreams. Sometimes I feel so alone but maybe that's a good thing for now. Btw, I no longer take my D to dance class, I allow her to go with her friend whose mother drives them. I think it is better for both CB and I to just stay clear of each other at this point. I'm still busy trying to figure out this new life and it's a struggle despite how well I tend to handle these things. So enough rambling for now! Have a great day everyone and thanks for dropping by.
