Ok, a part of my moving forward for this year was implemented last night!!!!
I have a couple of shelties entered to show in March. They need more practice than we are getting right now so for the first time since my ex and my ex friend started flaunting the affair at the training club I went back to the club!!!
Of course it was tight last night and my friend and I ended up right behind where they were sitting.
It was sort of wild. Looking at that man I have no sense of EVER having been married to him!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see the two of them and know they are people who would stab a person in the back and not good or kind people and it is just sort of an ick feeling. But not that pain and feeling of connection and familiarity that I used to have when I saw him. I never thought I would get to this point and I am soooooo glad I am here!!!!!!!!!! It is a great place to be!
I was on top of the world last night driving home. It felt so great to have taken that step at last. I didn't realize that was a step I really still needed to take to move forward even more.
It felt pretty good to get the dogs back out at the club last night as well. There weren't many people there that I know anymore. One guy there who has quit a rep at the club for fooling around was hanging with J and D's all evening. He, his wife and I used to be friends and he didn't speak at all last night. But you know what? Knowing what kind of person he turned out to be that isn't a loss. Guess birds of a feather flock together!
There were a few people there that I spoke too and of course all of them know what happened so it is interesting seeing how people reacted with all the players in the building.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I didn't know I was this far along in seeing them. I don't suppose it will ever not be some sort of feeling when I see them but not pain any longer! The really odd part is he isn't the man I was married too and looking at him there was no sense of familiarity or loss. I guess the man I was married to really did die in a sense for me.
I am thinking positive that 2008 is going to be MY year!
Last year started good with the new puppies but there was a lot of pain and loss. This year the kids and I are going to have a good year!!!
S and I are planning goals for us and our fur kids to accomplish this year and hopefully that all works as planned. We even have a road trip planned.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Goodness, I hope I didn't come across as upset or negative about not discussing Tx on the boards. I was just trying to answer Jill in why I didn't discuss him here any longer. I am floating so high I might not have been clear on my post.
To me why would I deliberately cause other people angst and upset? That ISN'T the person I am or want to be! It was difficult in the beginning but I think it has been good for me. I think a lot more on my own rather than rely on the bb. Zoo is good to help me keep things in perspective and we don't talk all the time so I'm relying on ME more and I like finding I CAN do that!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
WOW - I could not have attended a function with my ex and OW without wanting to puke. Not even now - years later. The hurt, anger and nausea are still there. And I think for me that will remain. I will just avoid them.
But for you - that is huge! I give you much credit for moving forward and facing your fear. Since it is something you enjoy being part of - so much the better. You went for the right reasons.
As for Tex, I should probably not have brought it up but I just have these horrible feelings about that guy and what he is doing to you. Why you won't shake him off so you can move on with a "REAL" relationship just astounds me and many of the others here. Not posting doesn't mean he isn't continuing to lie and string you along. I wish for your own good you would just realize he is the Biggest Loser on the planet. Ok, I'm done.
Have you made plans with your friend for the motorcycle group? I think that would be another huge step forward. I also wonder if there might be some available, attractive men in the dog training circuit. That would be ideal - someone with similar interests so you wouldn't have to worry about meshing with someone who wasn't into dogs. Wasn't there a movie - oh yeah "Must Love Dogs". And 101 Dalmations just re-released. That couple met through their dogs.
I miss my kittens terribly. Look forward to getting home to see them and Ryan. No other reason on the planet.
You were with your h longer than I was with D and you still have to have some dealings with him because of the kids. My ex and I have no contact other than seeing one another at dog functions. I can't do the dog activities and keep avoiding seeing them so I had to get past it. Yes, it was a fear to face and I didn't really realize that one was still out there for me. I'm glad it has been faced now.
I'm not upset you brought up Tx. I know you did it because you care and not for any other reason. I think I'm right where I need to be for right now. I feel very content and settled in my life, an at peace feeling that I haven't had for a lot of years!! It is good.
I have not talked with my friend any more about the motorcycle group. It is still too cold for me to even think about going down the road with no warm car around me!!! The older I get the more I seem to mind the cold, damp, dark weather. No, there aren't many men in the dog groups. Male handlers everyone says are gay and in the obedience group either married or married and players like D and the other guy in our training club! NO THANK YOU!!!!!!! Not again, been there, done that and don't want the tee shirt!
I bet you do miss your kitties. I can't imagine leaving my shelties for a whole month!!!
I am having a good day.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I'm sure the shelties can feel it. The chiropractor that worked on them for a while said all the stress and pain I went through very much affected the kids. FB is the one that has had the roughest time dealing with it all. Hopefully since I am more settled he will continue to settle back into life in a more routine manner.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
