We spent the weekend hanging out. Watched movies, went for a scooter ride, played in the park, cleaned the house. Nothing much.
I had the girls call STBX on Friday, didn't hear from him until today, Tuesday. Even then the girls didn't talk to him, he left a VM on their cell phone. D9 tried to call him back but he didn't answer and didn't call again. I am tired of telling them they need to call their dad. At some level isn't it HIS responsibility to keep in touch with his kids?
STBX still hasn't talked to me since our big blow out while the kids were in Jersey 10 days ago. I don't really expect him to call and it makes it much nicer at this point to have the silence and peace. I just wish he would get a flipping J.O.B.!!
On that note...MY jjob is going well. Still in training. I have gotten 97% on my last two assesments. I have another assesment on Monday, supposed to be harder than the last two, so hopefully I will do well.
Other than that, delivering Girl Scout cookies, runing kids around, being mom (my fave).
Shades, Just caught up here a bit. I just want you to know that the bravado your STBX is exhibiting does not really show you what is happening in his mind. He knows he is wrong. He knows she is not a permanent part of his life. TJ introduced OW about 3 weeks before we had our "talk" if we could live together harmoniously. She was getting the "we aren't working out talk" soon after. She talked TJ into voicing to our kids " this is a serious relationship" last spring. Words right out of her mouth, as they were not TJ's.
Now I think TJ regrets all those convos, as they will be barriers to his relationship with the kids. It is amazing to me how these convos that throw daggers at us and our children become burdens for them to bear in the near future. We survive, they struggle.
Believe it.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Now I think TJ regrets all those convos, as they will be barriers to his relationship with the kids. It is amazing to me how these convos that throw daggers at us and our children become burdens for them to bear in the near future. We survive, they struggle.
Believe it.
Your words are a comfort, Holly hooters..
Hiya Shades, I can imagine the weather you are having, but I will not like you to elaborate on it.
I am glad he is not contacting you. Let some time pass, and let the "feelings" of the NJ fiasco kinda settle down.
I used to tell the kids, hey, it's 7:30 call your dad to say goodnight. I did that for a good year almost.
No more.
They hated that I forced it on them. He calls now, pretty much every night. He did not do that for a loooong time.
Maybe let your girls, have a say on this one. They don't have a say in so many things in their lives, you know.
They kinda get told, here is what is happening in your life.
I thnk it's ok for them to have some ownership of something.
Moises wrote to me one day, thank you for letting me make some choices.
Just passing it on, b/c your D and my Moises are the same age.
Can you come to NJ already, thanks.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Holly I do think we learn very well how to survive, and it takes them a very long time (if ever) to make it back and yep, they do struggle.
Liss, I have been telling them that they need to call their dad and just like you I no longer feel like I have too. I tell them if he called and let them decide if they want to call him back.
Oh yeah, the weather here....it would just be cruel to tell you.
D9 has had a dry cough for the last couple of weeks. I have been keeping an eye on it, checking her temp and such. It gets worse when she is really active so I have her settle down. Today I gave her some Mucinex, man that stuff works, she started coughing up the goo. (sorry)
This evening we went to my gf's house to deliver Girl Scout cookies and she went outside with the kids and unbeknownst to me was playing basketball. sigh. She came running in and coughed until she puked. (nice...) Poor thing.
Of course Father of the Year decided to call tonight (of course) and she told him that she was sick (in a pitiful voice) and well he wanted to talk to me.
H: What's going on with D9?
M: She's had a dry cough and nothing else for a couple of weeks and then tonight around 7:00 she puked while we were at a friend's house.
H: You need to take her to the Dr. tomorrow. It's been 2 weeks and she needs to go to the Dr.
M: She has had no other symptoms until tonight, please don't think that I am not taking care of the kids. There are no Dr.'s open at 7:00 at night and I'm not taking her to the ER.
H: Well make sure you or your mom takes her to the Dr. tomorrow, I will call and check.
He now thinks that I don't know how to care for the kids???? Am I supposed to run her to the Dr for a cough, a dry cough, when she acts perfectly fine, plays, eats, everything normal except that? I'm thinking he is looking for anything to make me look bad. I hate being so suspicious of him but with his recent behavior what else am I supposed to think?
I will have my mom take her or I will when I get home. I really hope she isn't sick. Not only becuase I don't want her to be but because if she is it will make me look like I'm not taking care of her and he had to tell me to take her to the Dr. or I wouldn't have.
I hate all this nonsense.
Hope you all have a great day tomorrow. I will check in after work.
I have been away from the board for a while. I pop in sometimes and read but I haven't posted much. Not that much was happening.
And then...
Well we had a court date on the 18th and STBX agreed to jurisdiction in AZ. We also agreed to some other general stuff and put it on record. We agreed to a temporary Spousal Support and Child Support and are working on the details for the final. Oh yeah, STBX has a JOB!!!!!! WAHOO!!!!
It was all very last minute and I realized afterward that I can't live off of the temporary orders and called to talk to my L about it and talked to STBX about it. He says that is all he can afford which is crap, he makes in ONE MONTH what I make in an ENTIRE YEAR. We had a nice chat about it and he said his intention is not to leave me high and dry but I need to agree to his offer and then if I need more money each month I can call him and if he has it he will send it. What kind of fool does he think I am??? So we are going to go through our Ls to work it out.
Then on top of all my heartbreak over the D, STBX tells me that our dear friend who visited with me and the girls in January fell and had a severe skull fracture and passed away. I am so sad over this. The friend is one of the nicest, most generous, loving men I knew. He was like a father to STBX and has been a lovely friend to me and the kids as well. So I will be going to Chicago on Tues/Wed to attend his funeral. I haven't told my kids yet, I will do it tomorrow, I wanted them to enjoy Easter without heavy hearts.
My MIL & FIL called me today to tell me that STBX is bringing the OW to the funeral. So I will have to go and face them together at an awful time and figure out how to deal with it. My focus is on my friend who's H passed away but this is killing me too. I do know quite a few people who will be at the service but they are all people that I met through STBX and I am worried that with all the activity and all the people that I will be left looking pathetic by myself with no one to talk to and STBX and OW will be showing off their R. I know I might not be giving these people enough credit but my friend and her family will be busy mourning their loss, as well they should be. I just think it is a crappy time to bring the OW out of the woodwork and flaunt her for the very first time.
My FIL wants me to sit with him and MIL at the services, but I feel like I will be interfering with their family then. Like I will be a barrier between STBX and his parents and I don't want to be that. FIL has no desire to meet OW and has voiced that several times but we are all faced with having to do it and in a really inappropriate situation for the meeting.
OW had lunch with our friend once for an hour or so and has never met any of the other people that will be there except for BIL. I have known this family for 19 years and I feel like OW has no right to be at this service. I can't believe that STBX cannot attend this funeral by himself, it's not like he won't have support there, his whole family will be there and all the people he grew up with.
I guess I am just being a crybaby. I plan to focus on making sure I see my friend and her children to give my condolences and then go to the airport and try to get an earlier stand-by flight home.
I hate these situations. I hate that I am getting a D. I hate that I have to meet OW and do so in a very public way. I hate that I let it bother me.
On a happy note...
We did have a very nice Easter. The kids tried to swim in the pool today and realized that it was still too cold. They wouldn't listen to me, they had to figure it out themselves. We went to my folks and had dinner with everyone and played a little family baseball, frisbee and had an egg hunt.
The kids did talk to their dad, although only for about 3 minutes.
They are sleeping next to me looking like angels. I'm headed off to sleep too.
Thank you to all who have hung in there with me to read all of this.
sweety, I'm so sorry about your dear friend ! I think it shows courage and deep friendship to go to the funeral, knowing that you will be facing your H and ow....Please remember that YOU are WONDERFUL when you walk in there !!!! And in your heart feel that we will all be there with you, right beside you, and GOD is with you ALWAYS, you will never walk alone !
Take care xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
behaves. 
I have another assesment on Monday, supposed to be harder than the last two, so hopefully I will do well.
