I imagine that in order to get her to go to Retro she will have to know that she will not be asked to talk about things infront of others. She will need to know she will be safe there.
Congratulations on that conversation - I think you learnt quite a bit - the biggest of which from my perspective is that she is frightened. I don't think she knows what she wants because of fear. If she see's that staying in the M is the safest, happiest option then I bet she will do that. She obviously needs to feel protected- she sounds very vulnerable. Now you have made a chink in her armour don't bottle this - this is the best chance you have had in a long time- you are communicating. Try to drop the accusations about OM if you can though. I know it's hard but it no longer is the issue and will shut her down when you bring it up; remember, he probably makes her feel even lower about herself - even you, the betrayed spouse, can see that she was used.( And if you remember husband, it was being unable to forget OP that brought me to the boards in the first place- I was letting them ruin my M even though they were no longer in the picture and my H had recomitted, so I do know how hard it is not to bring the subject of the OM up).
Well done husband - you are doing great.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
