I know in my W's case when we weren't discussing things, she seemed fine with life. Each time something came up, however, she would become distant, act very defensive and often she would become offensive (verbal attacks - nothing nasty but turning things around so that it was always my fault).
Hey Mcc are you sure we are not married to the same woman? This is her to a T. everything is fine until any R thing comes up
Ok I was supposed to have the "talk" when she got back form her dentist appointment. But I was still in shock that my truck passed smog. I waited until about1/2 hour ago. My plan was to plan on a talk on Thursday. (Son will be away). What I did was I asked W if she could read my mind. I was planning on her saying no and then I was going to say well I can't read yours either. This is why we need to talk. I need to know where you are coming from and you need to know where I am at. Well it did not turn out that way.
Me: Wife can you read my mind? W: I know you are not happy Me: That is not what I asked you. Can you read my mind? W: No Me: I can’t read yours either. This is why we need to talk. W: I don't know what to tell you. I don't have intimate feeling for you anymore. It happened along time ago. I have felt like I was prostituting myself. Me; I'm sorry you feel that way. But I need to know what I have done to make you feel that way. W: I don't know Me: you know how you feel about someone is a choice. W: no it is not I can't help it. Me:I can tell that you are purposely not saying things. You are making a choice not to say things. W: that is because I don't want to give you the wrong impression. Like everything is ok. Me: this is how I feel. I feel used. W: how do you feel used? Me: I feel used because I don't know if you are planning on getting a job and then leaving. I feel used because I trusted you. Now I am never sure even when you say you are going to the store if that is where you are really going. W: I don't think you will ever trust me again. Me: I think I can. If you let me. If you are crystal clear with me. Do you know what hurt me the most? I feel you were used and I love you and I can't even defend you. (Here is where I slipped) I then said what gives you the right to say I can not contact the Om, but I can't tell you who you can talk to? W: he is not the issue Me: I know he is not. I have his phone number burned in my head. I could have contacted hem a long time ago but I have not. He is not the issue. Me: do you think it is alright for married people to sleep with other people? W: no Me: how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? W: (silence) Me: I have had plenty of opportunities both in the past and present. But I have never cheated on you. Me: that is what hurt the most. I refrained from my need of sex just because we were married and I thought your lack of interest was because of your menopause. W: maybe that is the reason. I don't know I just don't have intimate feelings for you. W; (Crying now)...I am so screwed up. I have no respect for myself. I don't have a job, I need to get a job soon because we are using up our savings. Me: I respect you. I think very highly of you. I love you so much. I don't just love you for sex. But I need someone to go to the ballgames with. I need someone to hold. Would you be willing to go to a marriage communication Session with me? W: you mean a marriage counselor? I have been to some already Me: no not like the ones we had. Mine sucked and I don't know how yours was. You would never let me attend. W: that is because she felt there would be no need for you to attend. W: I am not only worried about the job. We have no money Me: I figure we may lose the house anyway. I just want to get enough money out to pay back my mom. I have lost everything before (First marriage) that does not scare me. But what I want is if you want to try to work on our marriage I want to do all I can. Me: (here is where I slipped again). You know what hurts me? It hurts because I know what bill Clinton went through when he tried to protect Hillary during the last debate. It hurts me that my feelings and these are my feelings I am not saying it is what happened they are just my feeling that He used you and degraded you and I can't do a thing about it. Because I gave me word to you that I would not. It hurts not to protect my family.
She did not say anything. She looked like she was just taking it all in.
I thanked her for talking with me I said this is a good start she did not say anything so I left.
Now I am sure I left things out. Were not yelling it was a conversation
Got to go to bed now. Work in the morning Bye
DrLove
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
