Trying to be patient

[Michael Mc C]

My W was ready to walk out the door back in December and, as if it was a discussion about the weather, she asked if I would mind her coming up to visit the kids each afternoon once she moved to her mother's house (she was NOT going to be moving back into "my" house after meeting the OM)

I told her that it might work for a little while but that I was concerned that we would be confusing the kids. I also told her that regardless of what decisions we make, the courts could change things regarding custody and visitation (I really had no idea what I was talking about at the time).

She went ballistic on me but it got her thinking more about what it was she was asking me to do - it did nothing to change her mind about going to see OM and then moving out, luckily other twists of fate got in the way of either of those things occurring.

Anyway, when he leaves, I honestly believe you need to have clearly defined boundaries. Your space vs. his space. Don't let him pull the "but we share responsibility of the children" crap either. He is leaving and by doing that he is giving up his right (IMO) to just about everything he's leaving behind. You cannot stop him from seeing the kids based on a schedule but you certainly don't have to allow his visits to be convenient for him. Try to be strong with this. If you allow him to come and go as he pleases, he'll have a hard time missing what he has already.