nocodes- you are right about needing to take a break from any and all relationships - that's actually what I'm doing right now to reassess. but i think you may have misunderstood what i was saying about honesty. what i was saying was this - W reasonably wants honesty, and she reasonably wants me to express my love for her in an affectionate manner. sadly, i do not feel this love for her - while there have been good times, I cannot rekindle the flame (and sincerely doubt it was ever a flame, as opposed to a detente in which we managed to get along). So where does that leave me when I receive the question from W: "Do you love me? How do you feel about me?" I can sputter on about respect and appreciation for parenting and building a warm home, but I can't talk about HER directly. And the more I dance, and avoid those words we both know she wants to hear, the more it hurrts her. So invariably I am beating her with the Truth.
Plenty of friends and family have suggested that I try a little "diplomacy" - translated as lying. But this is what i feel I've been doing all along - 12+ yrs. I am unwilling to continue living like that. On the bright side, the ominous warning I hear from others - "your marriage will never be the same, no matter what, after the affair"- is no threat to me - I never want that marriage back anyway. Clearly if I am to continue, it will have to be in a far different light and way than I have lived thus far.
To that end, thanks for the heads up saffie on Retrouvaille, I will look into that.
