I got home yesterday afternoon a little before H and the Ds. H spent the day w/ D10 as D15 was at a school event. H and D looked at cars and D said something about looking at them for me. I said you were looking for H and they said no we were looking for you. WTF?! I still need to ask H about that and what his motive is. I asked H if he wanted me to make lasagna, order take out, or if he had other plans for dinner. H perked up over the lasagna so I threw one together and we all went to church.
When we got home H saw that someone had hit his car in the street. Of course he got made and was mad that I still didn't add car rental to our insurance. I figured dinner was ruined. H called the police and they came and took a report. Then H came in in a much better mood and ate w/ us. This is something that in the past H would have been angry about for days. After dinner H went upstairs to lay down as he wasn't feeling good. Slept for a couple of hours then came down and apologized.
Not sure what today will bring. It is H's weekend w/ Ds and he said he will be here at 10. Both Ds have events though that they will be going to in the afternoon. The Ds and I felt bad about that, but they do things on my weekends. I don't think they should have to give things up on his time.
I finally started a list last night of things that need to change before H comes back. (assuming he will come back) It needs more work and thought though before I post it here.
God, our situations do sound a lot alike. The whole thing about the detachment, why you love him, it could be me writing this staff. I don't know how long this whole thing is going to last, but going down and up lately made me realise that time passes a lot easier when I am keeping busy and having a positive attitute about it.
I was thinking about the same thing. I want to paint one of my bedrooms' walls dark red and change my living room's sofas. What are you plans? We should go ahead and have the changes before they come along and have a saying about them...
Kalni, I list I started is changes in my H. I do need to make lots of changes in the house too though. Funny you mention red, my H wanted to paint our living room that color in our previous house. We went with a redish brown instead. I can't decide what color I want to paint my living room. One day I want it a melt chocolate brown the next I want it a bright green. I see alot out now w/ browns and blues together and I love that look. It just has a rich feel I think. I wish I would have painted the last time H was out of town. Maybe the next trip.
Here is a start to the list of things H must do before he comes back. That is assuming that he will be coming back as I am thinking positively today!
1. Tell me that he loves me. (I am sure he still does, he hasn't told me that though in months if not over a year.)
2. EA #1 and #2 must be out of his personal life. I understand that he will have to interact with them at work. Outside of work whether in person, on the phone or via text is unexceptable.
3. Stop keeping secrets and telling lies.
4. Agree to MC. I'll even let him pick the C.
5. Stop keeping cell in his pocket on silent when at home.
6. Continue to be responsible for the Ds one night a week which can vary from week to week. Also allow me one Sat. and one Sun. a month to myself as I choose.
7. Take me out on at least two dates a month without Ds.
This is just a start. Anyone think it is too demanding. I'm sure H will have his own demands. Only time will tell
Here is a start to the list of things H must do before he comes back. That is assuming that he will be coming back as I am thinking positively today!
I like your list - It gives you something to focus on. Did you make a list of reasons why you love your H too? I recall you not really having much of a feel for that the other day.
Originally Posted By: lizzy
2. EA #1 and #2 must be out of his personal life. I understand that he will have to interact with them at work. Outside of work whether in person, on the phone or via text is unexceptable.
I thought you were a teacher?
Originally Posted By: lizzy
This is just a start. Anyone think it is too demanding. I'm sure H will have his own demands. Only time will tell
I think it is a good list - My only question would be, what are you going to do to make sure that both your and your H's needs are met? You talk about going on dates and having time to yourself occasionally, but what were the REAL problems that you both had?
Here is a start to the list of things H must do before he comes back. That is assuming that he will be coming back as I am thinking positively today!
I like your list - It gives you something to focus on. Did you make a list of reasons why you love your H too? I recall you not really having much of a feel for that the other day.
Originally Posted By: lizzy
2. EA #1 and #2 must be out of his personal life. I understand that he will have to interact with them at work. Outside of work whether in person, on the phone or via text is unexceptable.
I thought you were a teacher?
Originally Posted By: lizzy
This is just a start. Anyone think it is too demanding. I'm sure H will have his own demands. Only time will tell
I think it is a good list - My only question would be, what are you going to do to make sure that both your and your H's needs are met? You talk about going on dates and having time to yourself occasionally, but what were the REAL problems that you both had?
1. I realized my spelling error this morning when I was running over the list in my head. At that point it was too late to edit.
2. I haven't made the list of reasons I still love H. That is going to take more thought. I am looking for reasons daily.
3. H hasn't opened up and told me many of his needs yet. One thing he told me is we don't communicate, yet he is not willing to talk to me. I guess that would be a goal for both of us. In the past 15 years since 1st D was born we have spent very little time alone. We have gone out of town together once! H will need to express his needs to me before I set up goals that will meet them.
I love your list Lizzy. I want all the same things except since we already go to MC I want him in individual C.
What is the deal with the cell phone in the pocket on silent???? Thought my H was the only one. Soooooo annoying!!
Have a good night!
The phone drives me nuts or did. I am trying to get over that. Two years ago he hardly used the phone. Then in the summer of 06 it became a fixture. Since this fall he doesn't even like charge it where I might possible get ahold of it. For a while he was charginng it in the family room when he was here w/ the Ds. Amazing how he doesn't feel it vibrate when I call. That does seem to be improving some.
