Kerry, Thank you for the link to the articles on infidelity you posted on my thread today. They are helpful. I've had a difficult time dealing with H's EA/PA. From reading your sitch, you are also dealing with OP. You've done a great job detaching, taking care of your children and taking care of yourself. Your W is showing some positive signs. Keep doing what you've been doing.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Kerry, for W's birthday, I'd say, get her a card, and maybe a simple inexpensive gift. Something you would give a friend.
I definitely agree with you on the trip to Vegas. Also I think jewelry is probably too much. Maybe a book or a puzzle or something like that, not too personal.
Kerry, I know it will be hard going through the weekend thinking about the birthday celebration she is having without you. I know that is hard. But, ... keep it cool. Stay patient. Think long term. You have regular communication, which is good. You have a future to think about! Don't get anxious about this week - think long term.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I know you dont know me,but I just had to comment.Your story is a really uplifting.Outstanding you can be so strong and commited!I hope i have a chance even close.thanks for posting this sitch.It really helps me and hopefully everybody else!!! thanks very much.Tom
Me:42 W:41 Married 22 seperated12-31-07,served papers 2-29-08 S21-S20 partialy disabled S17 Divorce sighed 10-7-08 final 90 days after
A card it will be from me. I tried shopping with the kids last night for them to get something for her, but we had limited time and I am not much of a shopper. I will have more time tomorrow to go by myself to get something for the kids to give her.
My weekend is going to be ok as I plan to take D5 up skiing and take S7 (along with D5) to a birthday party. I will probably take them golfing again to see if they improve.
Kerry, Just read through your threads. I see lots of positive things that you have done, are doing, and are going through that I am dreaming about. I am just now starting the second month of my separation and am hoping that things improve quickly without me rushing them.
The card is a good idea. It is not pushy but tells her you are thinking about her. Stay strong for the kids and yourself. I will be thinking about you.
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
I just got back from having lunch with W (at a Thai restaurant). We talked mostly about the kids. She mentioned that a guy and gal we used to know who had opened a restaurant together are now lovers. The guy is married. Pretty weird hearing someone who is in an A herself talking about someone elses A. I told her that from reading in the "Just Friends" book that A's are quite common in marriages.
I asked W if she was still planning on moving to an apartment. She said she would like to but that she is worried about the expense. I told her that it might be better for her to just stay where she is at and come to her own conclusion in time. I told her that I am ok waiting for a long time. She was concerned about me and wanted me to get out and do other things in the meantime. I think she was suggesting that I find a friend that is a girl to do stuff with. I told her that I doubt that I could find any ladies that would want to do stuff with me just as a friend because I would be honest with them when we met and let them know that I am a married man that is having trouble in his marriage and hope to have it work out.
W asked me what I was getting for her BD. I told her I dont know, but that I tried to get something on behalf of the kids last night. She also commented about the nice shirt I was wearing and thought that it did not match my pants. She thinks I should be wearing blue jeans.
As she was driving me back to my office, I told her that I was optimistic that our M will be saved, but that I dont want her to be pushed at all on any timeline. When I was dropped off, she thanked me for lunch and we bumped heads together (she did not want to kiss in public). I told her that she needs to pay off her lawyer soon before there are late fees and she agreed.
I now wish I had not brought up our situation in the conversation, but I cant go back and undo it. It was just one of those nervous moments when you dont have anything else to talk about.
That was nice that the 2 of you could do lunch alone together. I can't get my H to do that, I think he is worried it will be like a yucky date...ewwwwww...lol.
Yeah, you probably could have gone all year without the R talk during lunch, pressure from you. However it doesn't seem like she was put off by it. You didn't mention her mood changing for the worse after you mentioned those things. However just leave it alone now. You gave her food for thought so let her think.
Lots of luck and keep us posted.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Hey Kerry - about her comment on the shirt and jeans. Do you know any women who could give you some fashion advice? Maybe they would go shopping with you and help you pick something out? Wouldn't that be a 180 for you, in front of your wife? Would she like it?
could be something to think about.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Actually, I got a comment from 2 guys at work this morning that they liked my shirt. I think W just wanted me to wear the shirt without tucking it in. I tried and it makes me look like a gangster rapper priest. I used to wear all my shirts untucked because W liked it that way - maybe because I had a little belly. I have lost the belly and now feel confident looking fit with a tucked in shirt.
I have noticed that a lot of my shirts are L (wife bought them) and I used to wear an M before I married. I am now in pretty good shape. I should go through my wardrobe and get rid of the stuff that looks like I am wearing a bag. That would be quite the 180 to get more fashionable.
I agree Kerry. I think the "Bag" look is out for Spring...
Lunch together, that sounds like a nice time. And you didn't seem to do any damage w/R talk. Just leave it alone for awhile and see what happens.......
