Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Mike,

I read somewhere that the S has to greive over the death of the arrair with the OP. Cold this be what is going on? He could be greiving and feels confused as to why he's feeling that way, add in the regret and guilt over what he's done and a sense of worthlessness over not getting the job.

Yes, you could be right, that could be what is going on, what H is feeling and why he is not contacting me. I think if he got the job he would have told me, at least in a text. I could be wrong - maybe he's out celebrating w/ OW. Or maybe he ran into OW this w/end and ended up in bed w/ her and now he feels totally guilty and confused. It really is pointless to speculate; I realized this today.

I tried to call him once more today - no answer. So I left him a vmail msg:

"I'm not sure what to make of your silence, but I'm going to assume that you don't want to talk to me so I'll stop calling. I hope you are okay and that you don't feel as though you can't call or talk to me; you can. But D is missing you. If you could take a minute tonight to answer her call at bedtime or call her back, I know it would make her very happy. There are a few things I need to tell you about D's activities this week. I'm assuming D will be staying w/ you Weds & Thurs. Wed, of course, is her dance class and Thurs she needs to be picked up at school by 4:30 as she has theatre class. Friday is a school event which I will be taking her to, so if you want to come it starts at 4:30. If not and you want her to still stay w/ you, let me know where and when you want to pick her up. I guess that's all for now. Talk to you later, I hope."

I needed to convey some information about this week so the contact was necessary. I made sure my voice had a neutral tone and I did not say anything that betrayed my feelings. He may think I am cold and don't care about him - this is what I worry about, especially if he did not get the job and he is wallowing in self pity and depression right now. Whatever is going on, I simply cannot chase him, but I do wonder if he would hurt himself as I really don't know how bad his depression is. He is in a pretty bad state financially, so I expect it's pretty bad. I would rather he is self medicating with OW than taking his life, obviously, and I can only be flip about this b/c I truly don't believe he would do this. But it does make me want to drive by his place to make sure, except for the fact that the last thing I need is to see OW's car there - I've already had that wonderful experience and don't need to go there ever again.

I do have plans for Weds and Thurs, and I will do my best to give as little info as possible. I was even thinking of using your tactic to park my care somewhere else so H thinks I did not come home (that would be Thurs night). But I do feel okay, kindof strong, so I guess not only is my sitch not the same as it was a year ago, but I am not the same person I was a year ago. I have to recognize the progress, as you said. Thanks Mike.

FA