It's good to hear from you...I hope you are doing well...of course you always sound good...I guess I just spent a lot of time with H yesterday.. we left at 6 am and got home at 9 pm that's a lot of time with someone who doesn't want to be with you...of course I kind of did my own thing really...I didn't make him my center of attention yesterday..It was my D15 and volleyball, and we came in 2nd...they did awesome..
So today I took her to get her driving temps...she passed...woohoo...now driving will keep me busy for a while...
Anyway, I try to put OW out of my mind but she keeps sneaking back in every now and then..you're right though, she is not worth it, she's trash, and they are living on lies...isn't that sad..of course they think they are being true to each other...
I'm just lonely that's all...I will try to fill that void with something else..I'm also working on the seniors video...that will take a while too and S10 made his baseball team..OH NO,,,now I'm really going to be busy...but I love to watch the kids play ball...As my D15 says..."mom, one day it will all come back and bite dad in the butt, and it will be too late, the 4 of us now are a family and we are going to be happy".. she's right..D21 comes home next week, can't wait for that...she's my rock...I think while she's here I will go out with some friends too...
Good to hear from you...take care and thanks for stopping by..
(((hugs)))
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
OW's H did drop off package...he came to my door at 8:00 in the morning...I opened the door and he said, "are you Treese", I said yes, he handed me a package and left...I opened it and dropped to the floor....I will never forget that day...and to top it off the OW XH mailed the same package to my work, and made a phone call to my work and left a message on the voice mail..I had to go to my work on a Sunday and intercept the phone call and the mail...had to call my boss and tell him everything to get in...talk about sick to your stomach...and my H NEVER apologized, all he said was, "I wouldn't have done it if there wasn't something wrong in OUR relationship"...dug that knife in deeper...
Her XH now, has contacted me several times and now I really don't want to hear from him again..it just upsets me more...I know what's going on and her XH kind of stalks her....and he is really angry with my H...he was adicted to prescription drugs (OW H) and he says he has friends that owe him favors...can I say fatal attraction stuff...it scares me that someday OW XH might see them together and go off on my H...H doesn't seemed concerned cause you know he's right with everything he's doing..even though he is still married to me right now...
sorry didn't me to go off on a tangent...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Good evening Treese. I hope your doing well and you do not get snowed upon heavily on Tuesday. I don't get back over to this board very often, been a while, but somehow I did stumble upon your posts, at least this thread. I see earlier you caught the great snodderly's eye, a wise one, who has brought many of us through rough times. On 2/23/08 SirPrizeMe posted some thoughts about how he views his mates current condition, and I would tell you that is a healthy view, and not one to dismiss. SPM is not fooling himself, but rather taking a realistic view of what is transpiring. I noted you did some reading, and others have offered to lend an ear and tell you about similar situations,, continue gathering knowledge about what you are dealing with and will be dealing with for some time to come. All good starts to help you understand what you H is going through (and that is to be differentiated from "doing" - for all intents and purposes he is "doing" nothing but trying to survive his current demons). At times you are taking his actions and inactions personal. Forget it. It's got nothing to do with you. Same with the OW, there are those that go through this with or without an OW or OM - nothing to do with you, it's just what your MLCer is going through. Oh, yes indeed ,you feel like your being treated as the enemy - well you are in his mind (at times) the enemy. Although you and I and everyone else here and those in your world know different, doesn't matter. You are still responsible for everything that "went wrong" in his life since the day he was born - despite the fact you didn't enter his life until much later, still doesn't matter (you would be attempting to apply rational thought, which is out of bounds when dealing with a MLCer i.e. you are not allowed to use rational thought simply because they ((MLCers)) don't) . When you do that, it will only drive yourself nuts. A belated "welcome to the board", sorry you find yourself here, but rest assured, life does go on for you and yours. That is a certain. Can't say the same for a MLCer.
I really have come pretty far...when H dropped the bomb, wow, I thought my life was over...now I'm taking it one day at a time..I'm hoping to come out of it with my marriage in tact but we'll have to see...I really don't see any changes in H towards me at all but again I don't know what to look for...He is looking older, tired, and just not interested in his family at all...you know...withdrawn....what stage is that? Cause I believe that is where he is but who knows for sure...that's just a guess...so let's see...I've been dealing with this drama since Jan. of 07...almost 14 months now...way too long...and I felt the distancing a little before that, after I had my hysterectomy...I even asked him if he was cheating on me...and of course he said no...I believed him because my H would NEVER do anything like that to me....Women...trust your gut...it's always right...I'm telling you...but I think maybe we needed to get to this place...to learn about ourselves...and I have learned tons...I am a calmer person...things don't get to me like they used to and I kind of just go with the flow now...complete 360 for me...I used to be very nervous, worried, stressed, high strung...and of course I still worry but not about the norm...I worry about my kids, and my M...I want my family back and I told my kids I wasn't giving up...that I was fighting for what I believed in, and I believe in commitment, loyalty, and marriage. I believe I am teaching my kids a good lesson, that marriages aren't perfect, and they are hard work, but in the end it's all worth the sacrafice...it's what's right, and what's good... I am a good person with a heart of gold...I hope H sees this and his heart heals and he comes back to the best love he has ever had or ever will....if not...it's his loss...and his loss is someone elses gain...wow...I kind of sound stuck up...hmmmmm...could that be some confidence I've been lacking...it's the new Treese.. and I'm here to stay...Watch out world....HERE I COME!!!
I'm not going down without a big fight. ..it's all worth it in the end, and it's not the end until I say it is....and of course I get rid of that poison ivy on the the other side of the fence..
((((hugs))))
Treese
Last edited by Treese; 02/26/0802:30 AM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Glad to meet you...I do take things personally but I am getting better..I'm trying not to let it get to me it's just really hard...I know, it's not going to be easy...I definately don't cry as much...and yes, I love snodderly's advice, and I get YR every now and again but you are right sirprize has been very uplifting and his sitch is awful....I think he is a great dad and in the end he will be the winner....he has offered me lots of good advice and hearing all the others sitches lately and how we all have the same husband is unreal...it's scary at times...especially when the talk about how many years they've been unhappy and it changes daily...and their moods...and everything they do...and they really do start to look bad even if they think they are happy...well, I'm glad I'm not that happy then cause my H has looked awful lately...
Anyway, thanks for stopping by to say Hi....
So how is your sitch, are you with your S?
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
No, not with the xw2 now. Seems like it was years ago, and actually it was coming up on 5 years now. Xw2 had 5 major life stressors hit her within a 6 month time span that sent her over the edge. She went into the typical as described here MLC land. It took me a long time to understand and comprehend, but thanks to several of her own docs that sort of "bent the rules" they tried to fill me in: "She's not playing with a full deck of cards." "There's nobody home to talk to." are some of my favorite quotes from the docs. Took a long time for it to register with me. U know the "better or for worse" that we promised, well I tried for a long time to keep that promise, but kept being tossed out. Even my x1 ("What are you nuts, that's the best thing you'll ever have in your life and your going to walk out? Are you nuts?" querry to now x2) and my x2's best friends were telling her she had better get it together. So now, years later, my x1 and me laugh a bit about it,as x1s question to x2 about being "nuts" turned out to be true. And in between now and then, one of x2s former best friends moved in with me for awhile (strictley plutonic) and that was a great help moving on with life. Haven't spoken to the x2 since the D day years ago, and from what I understand, just as well - it's not that I wouldn't mind a conversation, but unfortunately x2 cannot "connect the dots", so a conversation will not happen. I get mail and phone calls from businesses every now and then for her - at my address and my phone about recent transactions etc. as if we were still M. It's been five years since she left, 4 years since the D (she forced it, not me). Her feared by all high powered big $s divorce lawyer didn't get it at the time, despite my gentle nudges that x2 didn't need a D, but rather some help. The lawyer finally "got it" at the D, I think, at least that was the expression on her lawyers face at the time as in "WTF just happened here?". She threw in the towel on her practice a couple of months later and now works for the local domestic relations court trying to preserve marriages. I ran through five attorneys that wouldn't touch our sitch as they were afraid they would get a law suit for malpractice years later - "you two don't need a divorce - she needs some serious mental health assistance". So I had the pleasure of doing it Pro Se. And after a few years, I moved on, despite the occasional pieces of mail and phone calls from businesses as if we were still M, the latest just a few days ago. Oh and the occasional harrasement from her oldest son from her previous M (deceased) still leaving threatening phone messages about my life and property every now and then despite my not having a thing to do with any of them in four years (his latest last month). There are times when you may not see it at the moment, but years later you recognize someone much more powerful has actually been looking after us. I'm sure that was too much information, but you did ask.
WEll, H emailed me this morning and said he could pick up D15 after volleyball tonight. and then he had some small talk about when does S10 start baseball, blah, blah, blah. I emailed him back and said thanks pick up D at 7, and I thought something was wrong with my car. He emailed me back with a question about the car, and telling me it was going to get bad out again tonight...I did not respond back..if he asks I'll say I didn't get back on my email cause I was busy at work..
He will likely come in to see Son when he brings her home...any suggestions..I always get so nervous when he's here...geez...after being with him for 29 years, now I'm nervous around him.. maybe because I think I'll blow my as if attitude...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Act as if you don't care if H is there or not...be busy with something else....television, reading, baking cookies, laundry...whatever to keep you occupied while he's around. Maybe he'll come looking for you to chat?
Good Luck!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
..it's all worth it in the end, and it's not the end until I say it is....and of course I get rid of that poison ivy on the the other side of the fence.. 