i just dont get this at all. if my wife felt pressured to get married she should have told me that she wanted to be engaged for a longer time. if she felt herself slipping away she should have went to counseling on her own. now she is in chicago with her friends for the weekend and is realy " working on the marrage". i see the woman i love and she wont even initiat contact with me.
I was neglectful in the romance department i see that now. but i CANT make anything up if she dosent let me in. a 180 for me would be planing dates and makeing romantic gestures. but right now im not even allowed to call her as she wants space....but in the exacty same &%$^*$@ sentence she says she wants me to make all the first moves. o God help me.
My H has complained that he was waiting for me to make the moves during our separation. I DID! I said let's get together to: establish house rules for the kids, go on dates, go to lunches, Thanksgiving, Christmas, shopping, etc. He's done NOTHING except for one booty call in the beginning of December! And on that day and that day ALONE did he say he wanted to work out the marriage!
There is no rhyme or reason for any of it. Just pain. I am so sorry you are in this...I just can't say it enough.
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
ok i just re-read my last few posts and i guess im going to give myself i kick in the DBing butt. If my W does not deside to try and contact me there is nothing i can do. period. i can make myself better but is she does not meet me that one little step then all i can do is sit back. i promised that i would fight this out so by God i will. if she doesent contact me by out scedualed appotment then i will send her a text that says " let me know if you want to do something" thats it. from there the ball is in her court entierly. if she dosent contact me then. i will wait a month and send her a simuler text. except this time it will be about taxes. i would try the LRT but besided the fact she has some stuff at the house still there is no resone short of dividing marital property that she has to contact me. so i will drop these non r talk invites to do something. but besided that i CANT let this kill me. she lost the right to huirt me like this when she left the house. I will always love her but all i can do now is GAL. and when she DOES come around she my romantic 180.
I am sorry you are here. Let me tell you that as far as the crying goes you will feel better all the time. Time takes time. Time is your friend here. Do not pursue her, give her space and let her come to you. You have to be strong.
Do not bieleve one thing that come out of her mouth. She is going to tell you story's about your marrage and past that are going to blow you away. She is completely nuts right now and there could be another person involved which makes it really hard. Stay away and don't bieleve anything.
tree im just realy worried that if i DONT make a move she never will. and i will be stuck in this gray limbo. we share a apartment thats lease is up May 1st. i NEED to contact her by then to see if i should be looking for a small or large place... God thats sad.
well she actualy called me today. i was just debating about sending her atext when she called me. it was weired. she asked if I still wanted to go out on tuesday. i saqid yes . then she asked how my week was going I told her i was meeting some friends tonight for dinner and on wensday i was going out of town to see some friends. she asked what time i was leaving on wensday because she wanted to drop off some tubs from her move out. This hurt because if she planed to move back why wouldnt she just keep them with her? heres the realy weired part. she kept askingg if it was ok to brinh the stuff to the house. I said of course but she asked 3 more times. i never wanted her to move out and she knows this. i want her to come home. But she keeps asking if its ok for her to stop by. I tried to be proactive and i ended the conversatioon first. my plan is to tske her out to dinner and boweling and just keep it light. no r talks no tears just try to have fun and build a base
she called and canscelled our date tonight. said she was throwing up all night and didnt go to work. I told her she should stay at her apartment and get some rest. i empathiesed with her and told her i realised that she has had a real hard last few weeks and she is jusr run down. I would have offered to go over there and see a movie but i realise she jusrt movesd out and that offer might not be looked at as a good thing, but as me trying to find out were she lived. i sent her a text later that said if she needed anything to let me know and to get better soon
she sounds so sad right not i whish i could help her feel better but o know she sees me as the sourse of most of whats wrong in her life so i sit and wait.
well i think tyuesday was a kind of wake up call for my W. she was sick and i offered to take care of her ab=nd her "friends" had there own life to lead. this new lifestyle is not al its craked up to be after all. and to top if off im heading out of town to GAL for a day. i guess i feel kind of good right now.
You sound really good Marcum. GREAT job not going over there when she was sick. You handled that perfectly.
About her coming to the house - actually I would suggest that you DO make sure she asks, and make sure it's always arranged ahead of time. It sounds like she's even WANTING you to set that boundary with her. She wants her own independent life - and you need to insist on yours, too.
Have a fun time out of town!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
you think so nik? i was hopeing to let her know that THIS waqs her home and she should feel FREEE to come home any time.
o and I texed her on the way out of town. she actualy called me instead of texting back and we had a good small talk conversation, she actualy asked why i was letting her go when i tried to close the conversation. I told her i was pumping gas. she seemed sad by that. who knows what going on. i sure dont
