Grace, Z and Bomb, I gotta tell you guys, I love you! You never let me down and have such great insite and lift me up everyday. you are truely great people and will be going straight to heaven. You are all so rock solid in the face of complete crisis. I also want to let you know that I really look forward to you responses everday to the point where it may be a little crazy.
Bomb: I heard this one just the other day for the first time when she bought herself the Diamond. "Now it's time for me." (There are several variations of this overall selfish theme) All the other I have heard a thousand times before.
All of those are so dead on.
Guys & Lovely Grace. I have to confess something. I went to the Gym for an unusually hard work out (50 cardio, 25 streching and 30 minutes of strenthing) My endorfins were releasing and were flying and I felt spectacular. I also had some very negative feelings toward my marriage. Kinda like why am I doing this, why don't I just move out and start over. She is miserable, I am somewhat miserable, Life is short. Maybe it had to do with my Pysc meeting yesterday who basically said "Boy, you got some hard decisions to make. What are you really leaving behind, at the end of the day you are going to be in great shape but now you are living in a sh** storm". It makes you think twice. I know it is not what i want but boy it's the first time i have thought seriously and hard about packing it in. I also have a bit of a problem in that everywhere I go (I have lived in the same town, except for 5 years of college in Mass, for 47 years) people stop me to tell me how great I look with 20 pounds off, new hair do, dressing nicer and PMA all over. This happens to me 5 time a day, I swear, and I am no box of chocolates. Very ordinary and borderline boring. If they had an award for most ordinary and boring i would win in a landslide.
Is it ok to feel like you want to give up, throw in the towel? I know I don't want to but it was the strongest feeling I have had in that direction.
Little more news: I went to my GP doctor today to go over my physical results. She is a buddy that I really love that knows my whole sitch, she took one look at me and said "my Tree is back". She loved seeing my smile instead of tears and my PMA. Plus my Physical was unbielivably healthy from head to toe, not bad for 48. I went home to shower after the gym and Doctor and was so happy after all the positive reinforcement, my W noticed my mood and was down right perturbed. She reinforced that she was going to Philly for the weekend and I said great, I asked If I could drive her to the train.
Sorry for being so long but I wanted to thank you guys and Gals and tell you how great I feel.
