(((((Michelle))))) One thing that I have figured out in the short time I have "known" you is that you are going to come through this ok! You understand yourself so well, and that's at least half the battle.
As far as H, well.... I think the deployment triggered, and worsened, some things that were already there. He needs to get help, but you can't make it happen. So all you can do is wait. I also think that while you have grown and matured in the six years you've been together, I'm not sure he has. And maybe the deployment has something to do with that, too. But he is going to have to mature in order to be with you. From here, I get the feeling that he thinks he is inadequate compared to you. He sees your successes, and his failures. You can tell him it doesn't matter until you are blue in the face. It doesn't matter to you, but it does to him. Unless and until he can get past that, I don't see him coming back. Everytime he sees you, he sees all the things that he is not, and he takes it personally. All you can do is give him the space to see that it isn't really a problem. But he will have to grow up before he can get there. He is acting like a teenage boy, he HAS to be better. (I have 3 of those, I see it every day!)
Hang in there Michelle, and do what you need to do. In ther meantime, maybe he will get some help, and do some growing. Maybe he'll see that you show what's possible, that it can be done!
