(1) the only thing frightening here is the kids' reaction and grudges over time - that is what I am wrestling with now - as for the rest, I have considered it, and think I've been very realistic about trading one set of problems for another, and all relationships' eventuality toward routine and repetition - these things don't bother me because it is in the very small details of moments that I developed my confidence with the AP- we just see the world from a very similar, broken way.
(2) I simply do not share this belief about S. I sincerely do not think forlorn would describe my feelings had we broken up in the beginning, prior to getting married
(3)This is a barrier I've only recently, but with certainty, broken through - I'm not leaving S to be with AP. I'm leaving S to be alone. AP is a crossroads further down the line into the future to be considered.
(4) Sadly, I don't recall such dreams of empty nesting together. Maybe I'm being unfair, and rewriting the history again. But we simply do not get along, and I for one do not enjoy S's company. Period. It's really simple, not complicated.
I do feel I'm in this for the kids now, and have been a coward for not making decisions, and feel bad for dragging many people through this in the process. This is the worst kind of purgatory. I realize it's not a death sentence from cancer or a crippling accident, but to me it's a mental hornet's nest every time I wake up in the morning. I hope and pray for clarity, but don['t expect an Epiphany - I think this is a gradual process of detachment, and it really sucks.
