I'm glad things are settling down a bit for you, emotionally. I know the hurt is still there, but having a bit of calm sure beats the emotional roller coaster.
Originally Posted By: kikidee
I guess I'm just interested, not desperate anymore, to know how my own H is coping through this - where his head is. I can only wonder out loud because I know that my focus isn't entirely on him. He is still in my thoughts. I can't delete him entirely. I do care for him deeply and wish him well. I worry about him. I know that my attention has to be redirected.
You're on the right track here, keep it up. When people talk about detachment here, I always encourage them not to think of this as feeling numb and totally disconnected. Instead, strive for loving detachment. Of course you still feel for H - but your own happiness is no longer dependent upon him.
In fact, you want to think of loving detachment not as a defense mechanism to get you through this rocky time in your M - in the future, you'll want to continue to maintain that detachment as an important part of a strong relationship. Think of it this way - a strong relationship is based on two people who do not need to be together to be happy, but who do choose to be together and share the happiness that each feels as an individual.
If you are up for it, a book that helped me really "get" this concept (but I'll warn you, it's a very dense, tough read) is called Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
