I am so confused, not sure what hand I am playing

[GoingForward]

... (maybe 1 night without r talk is ok)...

I think any night (or day) without any R talk is good. It gives both you and H a much needed rest.

Ok while I did not verbalize my boundaries last night... I did go over them a lot in my head.

What are your boundaries? Feel free to verbalize them here, and if you wish, we will gladly give you feedback.

I spent most of the time after I got home cuddling with my daughter on the couch(she is very needy and knows something is up) instead of on the computer, looking at phone bills, counting texts ect.

Neecy, I am VERY proud of you! A wonderful step in the right direction to regaining your sanity!

When he got home he told me that apparantly everyone at work is cheating the company (he had seen stuff from other people before) because he got an fax today that said look at the work email then delete it right away and it was info about another ee.

H is talking to you. He's telling you about his day. I think that's really good. Definitely a positive.

I said who sent you the fax, of course it was ow. He really thinks that it is ok that they remain friends at work. I said what part of you not talking to her anymore does this include? Don't you think it is odd he needs to tell me about the convos they have?

I see another positive here. Even though you had to ask, H told you about his contact with OW. He was open with you because perhaps he wanted to be when he could've just lied and said someone else sent the fax. Seems to me like he's trying, neecy.

Also, it looks as though continuing contact is unavoidable since your H and OW have to work together. It seems H wants to end the A, but he also has to continue the working R with OW.

Here's what Dr. Glass (author of "Not Just Friends") has to say on this very subject:

"In cases where professional collaboration is a necessity, the parameters of the R need to be carefully designed and communicated. Here are two suggestions for redrawing those lines:

1. Limit contact to business only. If you are serious about reestablishing safety in your M and sending clear signals to your AP, then you must become a polite but distant stranger to your AP. Going out for coffee, swapping stories about your kids, and trading office gossip are invitations to intimacy. Telephone strictly for business purposes, and if the OP steers the conversation into personal waters, say, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to discuss that."

2. Do not talk about your M with your AP. If your ex-lover asks how your M is doing, you can demonstrate that there is a wall around the M that cannot be knocked down by answering, "I'm sorry, but it isn't appropriate for me to discuss that with you." Refusal to discuss your M tells your AP where the boundaries are. You won't be tempted to portray the M in a negative light to protect the feelings of the AP, who must understand that you now have a new commitment to the M."

If you haven't thought about it already, you should really consider getting this book. It's helped, and continues to help, me in many ways.

I noticed something last night, H brought his cell phone in the house and left it at the front door, he did this sunday morning too when he went for coffee he left it behind. This is odd for him as it was stuck to his side before. Not sure if this is a good sign or if it means there is another phone(it really is too bad i need to think this way)

Let's look at this as another positive! It could be a sign that he is letting go of OW. Maybe H left the phone behind so IF she tried to contact him while he was out, he wouldn't be tempted to talk/text with her. Or maybe he just didn't think about it at all! Maybe all he had on his mind was getting that cup of coffee!

I listened to the radio on the way to work today.

EXCELLENT!

Listening to music often helps me to clear my head. If a song plays that brings on negative thoughts, change the station.

You're on your way to getting your groove back!