Wow, what a story you got there Bomb. Terrence Real has written some great stuff, I believe, about trying to understand each other and empathize, hard as that is at times. His "New Rules of Marriage" is similar to "How Can I Get Through to You," but both were eye-openers for me and showed me many things I needed to learn about love and relationships, things my parents or no one else taught me. Sometimes we have to learn ourselves, and sometimes it's a hard lesson. Still, as so many self-help books say, one key to dealing "successfully" with pain and tragedy in life is to figure out what lessons you need to learn from this. It is a learning opportunity, if you are willing to follow that path, wherever it may lead. It may lead you into some painful parts of your own psyche, but you must be willing to take that ride. It's a long one, too. Still, I believe it would be far worse to go through this mess and have only the pain of heartbreak come out of it. We have to learn, whether it be for a new relationship with our spouses (old one is dead) or a new relationship with someone else.
Purr, good for you for going to the movie. It's hard to do that kind of thing alone, but it sure beats sitting home all the time heartbroken. We must face our pain, but there are times when it's good to get out and get distracted, too. Keep up the good work.
I hope your MC session went well. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders about how to handle it. Don't get defensive, as much as you might want to point out her problems. It will only make her more defensive, and things will escalate. Validate,validate, validate to create a safe space for her. Then you can get to your stuff with her down the road, but you won't get there at all if you push her away first. It's a long road, and I wish I could get my W on it, so be glad you are at least making an effort. No one knows where you will end up, so take it one step at a time and don't look too far ahead with expectations.
