That's okay Woog. I know there is no way to know for sure.. I sometimes think that we miss things by dismissing them as steps which is why I posted it on here.. and they just may be mixed messages! We won't know for certain until we see more positives.
How are you doing this morning? I'm going to swing by your thread to see if you've posted.
Hi W2G...well I;ve been reading and it doesnt sound negative, the way yuor H is with you! If theres a change in the way he refers to thinks, that could be a chink in his "armour" to see what may be going on in his brain, or he could just be referring to it as "mummy and daddys" house for the simplicity for your D? But, to come back and give you a hug and a peck !? Thats a baby step surely?? And to invite you to spend time with him as a family?? Did you accept?
My sister went through this with her H, he left and she DBed and a year later they got back together. He used to come by to see her rarely and they went out a couple of times whilst apart and he told her after they had got back together that he was "testing" her to see if the changes she had made would stick. There were things wrong in their R and she, as usual, started to GAL and make changes too late...he'd already left! But he kept an eye on it, although not letting on at the time, and was looking for signs that things were different.
So...keep on the 180s !? Did you agree to more family time then?
By setting your goals. What do you want more of? (How about a SOLUTION JOURNAL?)
Quote:
Should I be agreeing to this family time? I really don't know what right anymore. Part of me thinks that if he's wanting some family time it's the right choice to be giving it to him.. but the other part of me thinks that he hasn't even begun to realize what life without me is going to be like. And that's important, isn't it?
Sure. Agree.
But then.....sometimes be busy. "Oh....honey, TONIGHT I can't make it. No big deal .... I'll join you guys next time." Be vague about your plans. "I just had a few things I had to do." Drop it. NO DETAILS. (Don't be boring)
Try it a few times. Then, do it more often. (again, actions, not too many words)
Don't set too tight of boundaries. It is a common theme around here. It isn't the thing to do. It can seriously backfire.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
The biggest hurdle we all face is time. Learning to be patient during this emotional time period is so very hard. We all try to look for little clues as to how our WAS are thinking. When we see something optimistic, then anything that we see contrary to that brings us down. The goal is to not overanalyze things too much.
As I have told you before, when you H is ready to come back and commit himself to your M, you will know it. Until then, the nice little nuances like a peck on the cheek or calling you honey are nice and help to keep your hopes up. Just make sure that when you dont see those for a while or you pick up bad vibes that they dont take your hopes away.
Until the day comes when a light goes off in your H's mind, just accept and cherish the family time as something precious. Keep a smile on your face when your D and H are with you. Be the best mother for your D and I am sure eventually you H will notice what he is foresaking.
I agree with Kerry. I tend to over analyze the little things. The hugs and kisses get me up and when they disapear they bring me down. I use I instead of we because i don't want others to feel like i am judging them. Here is to hoping that your husband wakes up soon to find a better W2. Enjoy the time you have together and remember, low expectations.....that's my new motto.
Don't worry about overplaying the baby steps. If you get baby steps, as Michele says, 'look that gift horse in the mouth' and know you're doing something right. Then do MORE of it.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Hi W2G, I tried to send you a PM in regards to the question you asked me on my thread but there seems to be a glitch in the system. I'd prefer to relay that to you privately when it's working again, not on the board.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I spent some time reading your thread today and can't stop smiling over your list of positives. I don't want to call your H a fool:), but he is definitely very, very confused, or he wouldn't run the risk of losing you! You are lovely and deserve the best in life.
I wish you all the luck in your DBing.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
