I went to my MIL house for a visit last night. I had a few drinks with her. When I got home W was working with son on his home work. It was getting late so I said good night and when to lie down. W came into the bedroom and I asked her if we could talk tomorrow. After a long pause she said we can talk but all she can think about is her not having a job and how money is going to be tight. We can talk after she gets back from the dentist. (I am paraphrasing this). She said it in an annoyed, angry voice.
I don't think I want to talkanymore. I think I want to tell her
"She is free to go. After Son is out of school hopefully she will have a job by then and we can go our separate ways. What I need to do now is try to figure out a way to let everybody know what happened and why I took so long to do the right thing. I don't want our family's to be hit blind sided by this"
I will then leave the room
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
She is smart enough to find this place. has she? I don't think so. She is being nice to me this morning but I can't say the same for my self. Giving her very short ansers. I need to take my truck into the shop in a 1/2 hour. It's 0800 hrs here right now her appointment is at 1200
I don't think she does know what is comming. not from the door mat
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
A suggestion for you - quit assuming you can read her mind. You have absolutely no idea what's going on in her head (just as she has no idea what's going on in yours). If you guys were both mindreaders you wouldn't be in this sitch.
If YOU want to go, tell her THAT. Telling her she is "free to go" does not come across well in so many ways. It says that you're not interested in asking her how she feels, you're just telling her (and then walking off without even giving her the chance to respond = more conflict avoidance). In fact now that I think about it, it doesn't even change anything in your sitch. She's ALREADY free to go if she wants. ALL this does is remind her that she has 100% of the control in your sitch.
If YOU are done and YOU want to go, I'd suggest something like "I have decided I no longer want to remain in this marriage." or something like that.
Also.. I don't know how long til your S is out of school, but wanted to let you know (from experience) that living together once you've decided for sure to separate is VERY hard. When you're in limbo it's tough as you know, but living together with the separation "deadline" on the horizon is even worse. When my H moved out last year he had decided on a date about a month out, and ended up leaving 3 weeks earlier - neither one of us could stand it anymore. Not trying to discourage you from going ahead with this, but you may want to start thinking about where one of you could live temporarily.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Nik say's some very wise things. Think hard about what you are going to say and how it can possibly be misread by your W. You need to be clear. I am pretty sure from what you have said she is anticipating another talk about your R but I think she would be blown away by finding out you are feeling like you want to walk. I am not saying not to tell her that, but if you still would prefer your M to work out - you also need to tell her that too. Maybe it is time for a cards on the table talk where you tell her you can no longer fight a one man battle to save the M - that it needs two of you. I don't know - just a thought.
At the end of the day husband, she isn't free to go because of the financial constraints as she isn't working. Perhaps you should be asking her what her intentions are when she gets a job. Perhaps you should tell her that you need to plan for the future WHATEVER that may hold and so you want to know what her intentions are. That you need to know if she intends to stay or leave.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
You might wanna start a new thread soon too - you're getting close to locking this one and we'll all want to cheer you on today!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
cw68 - they are locked after they get too long. It's not automated so sometimes it'll be 10 pages and sometimes more - just depends on when the moderators get on to do it.
(they're also sometimes locked for objectionable content or other reasons, but normally it's just a "too many pages" thing).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
This is going to be a long day. The good news....... I don't know how in the Hell it did it. I worked on my truck all day yesterday. But I could not keep that %$#$% "check engine" light from coming on. The guy at the smog station said if the light comes on it fails automatically. Well............IT PASSED. And the minute I drove off the lot the &^%^& light came on. But..... It passed already So one worry gone for the day. Again thanks everyone I am really on an up and down mood today. I so want this to end But I don't want to give up. I will be reading what you guys have wrote over and over today and hopefully the gods will give me the right words to express how I truly feel inside to my W
Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
