Sorry to be a smart a$$ but I knew it... I knew that you fear of what he 'll be thinking about it was behind all your hesitations for this trip. When you decided to go you had no contact with him and you felt, what? Free maybe? Now, you have contact with him and you feel you owe it to him to be a "good girl"? What is it? Let's pretend you were in his shoes. Dazed and confused and lost. But you still loved him deep down inside. Could this trip make you stop loving him? Could it? Fear is a very poor consultant. And I just hope you don't regret it. Not missing the trip. Letting him run your life. That is the point here.
On the other hand, maybe you should plan another trip instead, somewhere where you haven't been and would feel comfortable with... I don't agree (you didn't ask, I know) with your decision not to go, but I UNDERSTAND (I probably wouldn't have gone either!!!!).
