Quote: Thanks Poe. My H knows my LL well and fills up my love tank just fine but sex will still become an issue when it becomes work as you put it or a mere fulfillment of an obligation. For me, it is not a matter of frequency but rather the willingness and the desire on H's part.
lubhubby,
apparently you have two love languages...because it's obvious that physical touch is one of them and h is NOT filling that part of your tank...you also speak of h's lack of "talking" to you...perhaps that's another??
when you say that h fills your love tank...what acts are keeping your tank filled?? and if they are infact keeping your tank filled then why this empty feeling concerning sex?
I totally understand your position...I am a high drive woman with a low drive h...life can be very difficult being the woman on this side of the sex issue.
but the concept of the five love languages can be very helpful once you figure them out.
I know that my love languages are quality time and physical touch (thus the "sex" issue)
I am learning that h's are acts of service and words of affirmation.
how to balance the two...
well I've learned to speak his language...the acts of service being the easiest for me (wish that sex could be one of them but I digress) as long as I do them without resentment and not hold them as colateral for when I'm not getting what I want.
words of appreciation...it's funny becuase when I started to once again use these words with h...he would not accept them...like when you tell someone they look great and they then start to say no they're not and pick themselves apart...
anyway back to the point...
the more I speak h's love languages...the more I learn to hear the languages he speaks to me...the more I can relax about the sex issue and low and behold..suddenly I get a hug...I get a kiss..and occassionally (ok still not as much as I'd like but we're moving in the right direction) I get pulled away to another room (we have little kiddos) for more.
so you see...instead of focussing on what h is not doing to show you he loves and wants to be with you...focus on the things that he does do to show you...and see from there.
hope that helps some..and if nothing else let's you know as a woman you are not alone in your plight.
Quoting lostlove: apparently you have two love languages...because it's obvious that physical touch is one of them and h is NOT filling that part of your tank...you also speak of h's lack of "talking" to you...perhaps that's another??
You are very insightful LL. I have only just begun to figure out our Love Languages and you are right about mine. I think my H's is Acts of Service. He does so much for me yet feels so unappreciated when I still complain about being unhappy. I will just have to learn to listen to his love language better and maybe that would make me feel better.
So how to you balance the differences in your love languages LL?
Thanks. You have been of help and it is good to know that I am not alone in this. The funny thing about this is that although I am the HD W in my M by the standards of some of the HD spouses who have been posting I would probably be considered the LD spouse. LH
Quote: So how to you balance the differences in your love languages LL?
practice...time...patience...
if you have not yet read "the five love languages" I would take a look at it...
also if you haven't read dr yet it may be helpful (keep in mind the information in dr is not just for those threatend with d)
Quote: He does so much for me yet feels so unappreciated when I still complain about being unhappy. I will just have to learn to listen to his love language better and maybe that would make me feel better.
that would be a great start...
so far it's working for me.
my thread is in piecing (I warn you I'm a ranter) current one is "I have to let h go" (started it in a neg mood thus the tittle...you may find it useful to read my rantings and revelations.
