Here's an update on my sitch for anyone who cares to listen. Soon after I started posting here, one morning I just completely broke down and hollered (not cried but hollered) about how miserable I felt about the lack of intimacy in our M. H told me that I was overeacting and I said No, I have been patient for so long now, why don't you at least talk to me, or at least let me know that you're trying to work on this, like read what I have given you (Chapter 1) for instance?
So H said ok, we'll talk but what he did the next morning instead of talking was to end the drought of 20 months. He was very quick about it and hurt me a little too as I wasn't even ready yet. I had mixed feelings. Of course I felt such joy to be close to him again but it appeared to me as though he was just performing a duty, responsibility or obligation, as though he was saying ok so you want it so much, I'll give it to you so you can stop bugging me about it. But of course I dare not tell him that he hurt me etc just in case that would turn him off me forever. I only told him how happy I was to be close to him again (which is the truth anyway) and that I would save the morning in my mind for use when he is too busy for me. And it was on my mind too for the whole week.
The following week, I initiated and H was responsive and I was glowing. Now its the 3rd week and I'm feeling lost. We had a stupid argument this morning about some insignificant thing like what to eat and it made me very unhappy because whenever I feel unhappy I always think about this unresolved problem that I keep pushing aside into a little corner of my mind. I feel lost now. H still doesn't talk to me. I don't know whats on his mind and I'm no mind reader. Is H interested again or not? What do I do now? What do I say? I dare not bring up the subject again since it looks like he's trying. Where do I go from here?
