Jen_Jam.... Thank you for your calmness and reassurances. I will try my hardest to sit back and let him talk this afternoon and just listen to where he's coming from - if he'll talk. I will try to focus on only positive vibes. Of course, I am not totally in control when he enters the room but will attempt to slow my heart rate and just listen to what feels right at the time. For now, I breathe.
Me: 38 H: 41 D13 D10 S7 M: 15 years T: 17 years Discovery of EA: 10/07 Suspected PA Trial separation: 1/31/08
well...i guess some people are just gone. after a long discussion, there was nothing other than for me to ask him to take as much of his stuff as he could get into the car. he can find no reason to try to work towards repairing our marriage. the very sad part is that the only attempt, with help, to do something was with a therapist who got all of our garbage out in the open and then did nothing with it. so now we are left here living with all of each other's grievances and no way to deal with them. i am very sad and angry but feel as though i didn't have a choice. if he can't see the value in even an attempt at trying, then there's really nothing i can do.
Me: 38 H: 41 D13 D10 S7 M: 15 years T: 17 years Discovery of EA: 10/07 Suspected PA Trial separation: 1/31/08
Oh Kikee I'm sorry .... this is tough. Does it help to say I've heard similar before? I heard: "I don't love you anymore, I can't see my feelings for you coming back" "I don't care about you anymore" "I can't stay married to you" "I gave you a cuddle but I didn't really want to" "I don't miss you when you go away"
Last resort technique time .... and remember passive resistance. If he wants to file then let him do all the work for it. Don't help at all. Drag your heels as much as you can without p'ing him off. If he wants to get a D, which is NOT what you want, then let him put all the effort into that.
I'm so sorry to hear this and hope you come back to post soon (((((((((kikidee))))))))))
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Somehow I had a feeling that was going to happen. Don't make any rash decisions at this time. Just lay low, focus on yourself and give H lots of space and time (and yourself this!!! You may need is more than him!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
i am getting conflicting messages from people around him
i don't know which way is up
Hang in there, kikidee. It'll get better - ROOT is right, no rash decisions, just take care of you right now, OK?
And the conflicting messages from people around him - well, he's probably giving THEM conflicting messages. Just like with him - believe only half of what you see and none of what you hear. Focus on yourself and take it one day at a time. (((Hugs!)))
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
