Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Ah Weedhopper... you seek wisdom from fellow DBers, but like the Salmon, you continue to swim upstream and we all know how that journey will end.
First -- Hound is the absolute DB King. In my opinion, nobody does it better. This guy was a fast learner. I will never forget when he told his wife that it was perfectly fine for her to go to Chippendales while he watches the kids. Wow!
Mink is also a quick read. He is moving his sitch in record time.
Me... I am just persistent. After countless arguments, threats of alimony, a divorce filing and a few court appearances, I just keep saying to myself.. I am not getting divorced.
There is also amazing chemistry and sexual energy between my wife and I. It is on hold right now... but the anticipation is very exciting.
BT - YOU ARE IN STAGE 1 - ANGER - The only way out of this maze is by giving your wife space. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER. You must let her cool off.
This sh*t takes time, patience and persistence. You must also focus on what works for you and what does not work for you. Every sitch is different.
My thread has been hijacked multiple times. That's cool, we are all in this together. Someday I will host a DB reunion at my place. We can all wear our name tags ... BT, Hound, Fish, Ellis, Minkerman, etc.
Update...
Called the lawyer today to tell him that the divorce is on hold and W and I are working on our marriage. He was thrilled! Really nice guy who was very worried about my child. I told him to hold off on calling W's attorney, time to give this thing of ours a little air. I was following Ws lead... she did tell me to call.
I sent W a text letting her know that I reached out to my lawyer, I did not ask her anything.
She said great and then invited me out to dinner tomorrow night. Naturally I accepted.
Had a coaching call with Jody today, she is awesome. She told me that W and I have made it through the worst stage - Stage 1 - Anger. We are now in stage 2 - friendship and must be VERY careful not to bypass this phase. It is time to rebuild all of the wonderful feelings that we have for each other with no pressure. - Go to dinner, play tennis & golf, go for runs... enjoy each other. Avoid sex in this stage... Make out and fondling ok - no sex!
Looking forward to phase 3 - Romance. That's when things get real fun. Definitely not going to rush through that phase. Really looking forward to phase 3.
Phase 4 - Reconciliation - Time to head back home.
Michelle Weiner-Davis says sex can be a bridge to help bring a separated couple together. But you need to feel it out (pun intended) to know if it's right for your sitch.
We have already gone there, so it's not like we can go back to holding hands
I will do as you are doing, fish. Play it cool, no pushing, and start easing into the romance phase. Lovin' it!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
I wish my husband and I could use it as a bridge! Right now, he can't do anything more than just plain ole kisses.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
[/quote] There are worse things than plain ole kisses! I'd kill for one of those! (Well, maybe not literally, but....)
True, but what makes it difficult for me is that between the "bomb" in July and him moving out last month, our sex life was better than ever. Then he moves out and it all stops. I miss the connection as well as the ML. Oh well.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
I said to one of my buds tonight I need to enjoy this time apart, I think my days of being a single man with no responsibility are about to come to an end. I just realized that if/when I move home, it could be a big adjustment.
I literally do very little than focus on myself right now. No chores around the house, no getting things fixed, no food shopping, nothing. My life is literally - work, driving range, gym, out to dinner with friends and late night poker games in a cigar shop.
Interesting.
Actually, I love my wife and daughter and our life together more than anything. This past weekend was amazing.
For me, I must find proper balance between my home life and my new life. That's what should make things fantastic for all of us.
GAL IS THE KEY TO THIS SH*T. Once they realize you are happy and no longer need them, they come back.
