Well, I had wanted to go skiing, but W had to work last night as a waitress fill in at her friends restaraunt. She also has tremondous pain from 2 root canals and she was going to load up on vicotin after work, so I have the kids. I took them swimming last night and now and in limbo today trying to get a hold of W. If she does not call soon, I am taking the kids out to teach them some golf and then maybe to the zoo.
W's friend (who she worked for yesterday) called me late last night. Apparently, W showed up real early to talk with her and started talking all about ME! However, the cook came out and they had to stop their conversation. He friend really thinks that it sounds like W misses me a lot and that things look very hopeful.
I hope to be free tomorrow to go skiing although today was supposed to be nice and sunny. I just hope it is cold enough tomorrow so that it does not rain up on the mountain.
Hope things are looking up for you. Good to hear your W is talking about you and seems interested again. Hope you get to go skiing, too. I am off to rest my stupid foot, what a pain in the butt........
It was a pretty good weekend for me. I took the kids golfing (putt putt and driving range) on Sat. W showed up as we were finishing the putt putt and I ordered up some lunch for her and the kids next to the windows at the driving range. I practiced hitting some balls and the kids came out and I helped them hit balls. I looked several times throught the window at W and she was smiling and laughing at me and the kids.
After I had my workout in the afternoon, I stopped at the Big 5 sporting goods to buy some golf balls and ended up buing a set of beginner clubs and bag. I am excited to try doing a full game of golf this spring. At least now I have some more things to practice with besides just an 8 iron and a driver.
I went skiing by myself on Sun at Timberline on Mt Hood. I had not been to that place in a very long time and it has changed a lot. A lot of nice long runs and no lines. I like it and will probably take D5 there next weekend while S7 is in chinese school. When I got home, W was there and saw me in my old fashioned ski outfit (knickers) and had a big smile on her face.
W came by this morning and saw me practicing chip shots in the house and had a big smile on her face. I told her that I was doing some collection of Goodwill items in some bags on behalf of the Cub Scouts and I would like her advise on what we dont need anymore. She wants to help out. As we both left to go to work, she came over to my as I was getting in and we had a big hug.
W has 2 more root canal operations and is totally focused on that now. I have myself into a mode where I am just going to be patient and wait for her to tell me what she wants to do - continue D or try reconcilliation. I talked with her best friend on the drive home from skiing and she is really hoping that W and I get back together. This friend has a lot of influence on W, plus she has seen other couples like us that experienced a rough spot in their M get back together.
Your situation sounds so difficult, but you seem strong, determined, and you seem to be acting with principle. I really admire your strength and perseverance. I admire your attitude. I am impressed by your patience!
I am glad to hear that W has remained friends with people who respect and honor marriage. Some WAS's withdraw from their old friends - my wife is like that. She has put distance between herself and anyone else who has a pleasant, good marriage. In the past, meeting or spending time with a couple with a functional marriage - not perfect you see, just "good", like most marriages - she would only see the bad, the negative. She would tear down the couple to me in private, comment on how the husband was not attentive or the wife was not respectful. Now, all the people she hangs with are divorced, or separated. All the old friends are gone.
As in your situation, our friends were shocked and dismayed. Many people told me they cried when they learned of our situation. Too many.
On my thread you said my wife does not deserve me. That may be true. She certainly is not behaving very well. What would you say about your own wife? Why do you continue to wait for her? I am in a similar place, I think.
Do I deserve better? I think of marriage as more than an agreement between two people. It is a social contract, something to be honored above individual whims and moods. It is a pretty big responsibility, and I take it seriously. maybe too seriously? The point is, W has no one to rely on at this point. If she is off the deep end (and I think she is), who will help her now? Her father left her when she was a child, when things were difficult. Shall I leave her, too? I don't want to be an enabler for her poor behavior, but at the same time I don't want to abandon her or "close the door," as you say, either. I won't give her free rein to the money, but I won't get bitter and acrimonious about it either.
Patience is the name of the game.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
sir, i admire your attitude concerning being there for your wife. i find myself in the same situation. as far a i am concerned you cannot not take marriage seriously. right now our wives don't feel that way. that is obvious. that is why we have to stand in for our wives and children. it is tough!!! i could not look myself in the mirror if i just gave up. i am willing to take it on the chin, so to speak, to give us a fighting chance. i have a hard time , at times, of not seeing coming from my wife. i just call on the name of the Lord for help. which is very often. dont give up, you are doing the right thing.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
You are both so amazingly patient SPM & KerryK.. Why can't I be more patient like the two of you??
Kerry things seem to be really going well for you. I love that your wife smiles big smiles when she looks at you. That must really fill your heart. I know it would mine!
On my thread you said my wife does not deserve me. That may be true. She certainly is not behaving very well. What would you say about your own wife? Why do you continue to wait for her? I am in a similar place, I think.
I am thinking like you. I wait because I hold the commitment I made to my marriage highly. My W and your W could be going off the deep end at this point in their lives. A true friend would not discard them for that, just as a friend would not discard another friend that was an alcoholic. I need to stand by and give her a chance to come back. Patience is indeed the name of the game.
My W's BD is this Thursday and we will both go to an Egyptian night at S7's school so we cant go out to dinner like she had wanted to (free buffet on bd). I am wondering what I should get her?
I had asked my mom for a suggestion and she said to offer her a trip to Vegas with myself if she comes back to me. I had to explain to my mom that would be too controlling and I would need to have a lot of time to rebuild the trust in my M before I go galloping off to Vegas with the woman that has torn my heart apart.
I just spoke with W about whether she was working again as a waitress this Fri. I asked because I needed to confirm if I would need to take care of the kids again, but I forgot that I have them anyway this Fri-Wed. W said that she will probably not work as she would like to make plans on her own to celebrate her BD (I assume with OM). I hurt a little knowing that someone else will be celebrating my W's birthday with her. I will just need to make my time with the kids enjoyable and get my mind off what my W has planned.
See those BIG smiles and the feedback the friend of wife is giving you should all be seen as baby steps for you from her. Now granted if W knew the friend was relaying these things to you she would probably flip out so don't ever say anything.
Keep it up. Don't sweat her Bday. She will have another next year and you can doubley celebrate then since I know your situation will be better then.
Heather
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
