I read something today that kind of made sense. Something about looking at your sitch differnetly. Looking at it as it might be something good. Either a grand test of your relationship or a move to someone better or something better. It's just so hard to get used to being alone. Friends are busy sometimes...there's not that many things to do by yourself, etc. But I guess I have to accept responsibilty and fnd some other friends...It's been a rough weekend, had a lot of time to myself..I miss my kids...I've gt to figurr something out...
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
I find recently that whenever my W and I talk we argue about scheduling with the kids. I feel like we can never patch anything up since we can't even be friends again. I start out trying to be nice to her and then we start talking about the schedule or she will bring up how she is packing my stuff up, etc. and it gets me angry....I was hoping if I could stay friends with her things might get better....probably not
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
So, you going to let her push your buttons? Or are you going to change your reactions?
If you know that something is a button, you can always rewire it, willing to bet you will fluster the hell outta her if you don't react the way she expects.
The problem with that, is if she is doing it to get you angry...she will get downright malicious to provoke a reaction she craves from you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It gets even better, I found out that she has moved her and the kids into the OM's house while she cleans up our house to get it ready to sell. She doesn't know that I know yet but I don't know what to do... I understand that she is trying to push my buttons but I am concerned about what she is doing to my kids. I asked the twins12 why they didn't tell me they were living at his house (my d14 told me last night), and they said they didn't want me to get mad at tem. I told them I would not be mad at THEM. Then one of them said they didn't want me to be mad at mom and that there was nothing wrong with it. What pisses me off about this is the fact that my W actions are molding my D's morality...."there's nothing wrong"??? Now I don't know what to do...I emailed my attorney but haven't heard back...should I bitch her out, let it go....I don't know what the hell to do....My kids are living with an alchy while my w shacks up with this ass and I have to sit back and watch....?? I am getting over this woman, but she is not the one I married.....I talked to her sister and she said the same thing. They are shocked and think she needs counseling.....but it'll never happen
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
So, you going to let her push your buttons? Or are you going to change your reactions?
If you know that something is a button, you can always rewire it, willing to bet you will fluster the hell outta her if you don't react the way she expects.
The problem with that, is if she is doing it to get you angry...she will get downright malicious to provoke a reaction she craves from you.
Man, you should print that and post it by the phone.
She wants you to get upset, she NEEDS you to get upset with her and get angry.
If you are angry and fight what she wants, she can justify her actions by saying to herself, "see, he is so unreasonable that I MUST divorce him."
Play into this if you want to. I did. For three F-ing years. Gosh-Darn-It! I am ashamed that I was so easily manipulated, and too dumb to see it!
Now, when she is spoiling for a fight, my reponses are "I'm not going to fight with you," and "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Thos responses will absolutley send her to the moon when she is spoiling for a fight. Ignore the anger that this generates, When she finally looks back, do you want to be the calm ex, or the angry volatile ex?
Much more importantly, these responses will put you back in control of YOUR communications with her. Not in control of her, but in control of what you say and do. It's a good place.
You will have to discuss things with her about time with the kids, just my thoughts, if you can set up a rigid (acceptable, or favorable to you,) schedule now, you can avoid the fights and other crap by insisting that everyone sticks to the agreement.
This avoids the "he's being a jerk by not agreeing to what I want" bit.
Make sure your atty knows that they are living in the OM's house. Talk to him/her about this, it might make a difference in custody issues in your state, although usually not.
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
hi Patrick I agree with punktaman- Her actions are lookng for a reaction of you-Raise above it-She knows what buttons to press to get a reaction out of you-Get a punchbag and realise your anger that way-the sooner you stop reacting to her bizaare behaviour the sooner she can focus on what she has become and what she is doing to her daughters.
Be consistently loving with your girls-focus on your time with them-make their time with you fun and a escape from the madness your wife has created in their little world. They'll be feeling pretty lost at the moment with divided loyalties.
I took up kick-boxing -no problem focusing on a target at all-it really does help manage the anger we feel.
Yeah, I need to focus on something else....I just don't know how long I can go on like this. Every day is a struggle of some sort...life used to be so much simpler and care free. I am seriously doubting that our relationship can ever be straightened out....
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Here's a good question. It hasn't happened yet but I am sure it will. How do I act towards this neighbor(whom I hate) if I meet or see him with my W? I am sure it will happen soon. My W is living there with him. I figured I could be sarcastically nice...say something nasty (say "I see you brought your pet [censored] with you!"), or I could ignore him, or be nice....Which will make me look better in my W's eyes? or should i care??
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
I don't know...I just hate this guy sooo much I want to cuss him out and get im to start a fight with me so I can kick his ass. In some ways I feel like I should have jumped him early on and told him to stay away from her or else. I feel like a wimp allowing this guy to steal my wife and kids without a word...But I don't want to look like a jerk to her...I don't want to ruin my chances of getting her back
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
