Your situation sounds so difficult, but you seem strong, determined, and you seem to be acting with principle. I really admire your strength and perseverance. I admire your attitude. I am impressed by your patience!
I am glad to hear that W has remained friends with people who respect and honor marriage. Some WAS's withdraw from their old friends - my wife is like that. She has put distance between herself and anyone else who has a pleasant, good marriage. In the past, meeting or spending time with a couple with a functional marriage - not perfect you see, just "good", like most marriages - she would only see the bad, the negative. She would tear down the couple to me in private, comment on how the husband was not attentive or the wife was not respectful. Now, all the people she hangs with are divorced, or separated. All the old friends are gone.
As in your situation, our friends were shocked and dismayed. Many people told me they cried when they learned of our situation. Too many.
On my thread you said my wife does not deserve me. That may be true. She certainly is not behaving very well. What would you say about your own wife? Why do you continue to wait for her? I am in a similar place, I think.
Do I deserve better? I think of marriage as more than an agreement between two people. It is a social contract, something to be honored above individual whims and moods. It is a pretty big responsibility, and I take it seriously. maybe too seriously? The point is, W has no one to rely on at this point. If she is off the deep end (and I think she is), who will help her now? Her father left her when she was a child, when things were difficult. Shall I leave her, too? I don't want to be an enabler for her poor behavior, but at the same time I don't want to abandon her or "close the door," as you say, either. I won't give her free rein to the money, but I won't get bitter and acrimonious about it either.
Patience is the name of the game.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
