Jak, and Down,
Thanks for the encouragement and affirmation.

My W has been asking me to sleep with her when she get her bouts of insomnia. Her mind races, so my presence has a calming effect. I'm able to do this until she falls asleep, and then go back to my room.

She had me sign us up for rumba, cha cha and samba lessons at my studio. I was initially resistant ("we can't afford it") since I'm already taking one class, but decided now that she's working, to not fight it. I'm ready to branch-out from the salsa anyway, and work well with my teacher. I also recognize that I should be encouraging activities that promote connection. I was going to return to my writer's group, but that's OK. This is more important for now.

She was upset with me after the salsa club dance on
Saturday, stating that I don't give her enough compliments about her appearance and dancing, and am not appreciative enough of her feedback in helping me.

I danced with her three times that evening, and spent a lot of time dancing with my classmates. I've reached a point where I've developed a network of lady dancers, and am no longer primarily dependent on my W for the evening. It seems like that she is now trying to reconnect with me. It's hard to read her mind. She doesn't articulate vulnerable feellings well, so it's easy to miss her message.

She asked me today if it's hard living with her. I told her that any relationship is inherently difficult. She seemed to like that answer. She said the answer reflected someone who is no longer naive about relationships.

I'm keeping an eye on her to help her keep some boundaries in her life. She has a blind spot about this. I advised her that if she accepts a fulltime job, she will need to scale back the cooking job so that she is not working six days a week.

Her coughing is where I struggle with emotional reactivity. The mindfullness breathing exercises are helping me to practice staying with difficult emotions. In the past I would be distressed about her coughing, and act-out by withdrawing, or being passive-aggressive.

CL


Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 02/25/08 10:57 PM.
CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching