New and alone

[JenInVen]

Hi everyone all I can say is... MEN! lol

Seriously thanks for the support you have all shown me. I have a lot of hope for my M. Today he said the D document will be ready to be file Thursday. I told him that I thought he'd wait a bit and thought he was rushing the D. He told me he needs to do this for him and that he has some issues to work out and that he wanted to be on his own for a while. He is seeking nothing and giving me everything including 100% custody of D. He said he trusts me that I will never keep his D from him and he wants us to be happy. He isn't cutting me out of his life and he said he isn't looking for anyone to take my place. he wants us to be able to do things with D as a group to be able to be in the same room as each other without fighting. he said he could never hate me and that he cares for me a great deal both because I'm the mother of his child and because we are good friends. He said he feels a D is what is needed for us to find our paths in life and if down the road we want to be together then we'll cancel the D or get married again.

He said he noticed some positive things about me in the last week and he liked who I was. He told me I have many issues to work out about my childhood (mother) and he cannot help me do that.

So I guess I'll keep up doing what I'm doing. I'm a little more confused with the C we had today but I'll push along and keep agreeing with him that a D is a good idea. I'll give him the space to grow and become the man he wants to be.

Jen

[addie]

You've been doing great. Keep doing the positive things you've been doing - he's noticing.
It's scary how quickly a marriage can be dissolved in some places. It doesn't give you much time. Even if the D goes through, it sounds like he still wants to be a part of your life and D. It's never too late.

[stella_k]

Jen, I am sorry that he wants to through with D, but I agree that there are many positive moments, like he really trusts you and cares for you and D and noticed and liked the changes in you. Baby steps!

And you couldn't have been any better, you are doing it right, keep going.

[JenInVen]

Thanks guys.

Actually even though there are no laws for legal separation the first steps of a D can take 5 to 6 months. We will have to see MC and IC around that point. Then the D may take another 5 to 6 months. The D probably would be final in about a year.

Yes baby steps. I wrote on the solution journal that I'm gonna bust this damn D!

Jen

[stella_k]

(((((((Jen!))))))

You also haven't posted in a while!

Are there any news?

[JenInVen]

Touche! I was posting more ver on my soluton journal.

Things are preety much the same ole thing over here. I haven't brought up the D since and neiter has he. There is no need as we understand what the other wants. My friends are very supportive and think that fightng for my M is a good thing. They say that H seems confused.

He tells me he will not come home just because of D and also he's not sure if he can ever feel the same feelings he had before for me. I know he cares a great deal for and about me. I'll do what I can to show him life would be different wih me if he came home.

I have faith in him that he'll do the right thing even if that means not coming home.

Jen

[stella_k]

I must have overlooked yor solution journal, sorry, will look again!

No news is good news, right:)?

You sound good. Strong and positive! Keep it up.

[JenInVen]

Hi stella and thatnks...it's titled Solution Journals CW68/jeninven on the Midlife Crisis BB

I'm trying to be positive. Cognitive therapy says, in a nutshell, that to change your feelings you need to change the way you think so I've been trying to put that to practice.

Jen

[addie]

Jen, you do sound positive! Keep up the great work!
Remember, do not initiate R talks or contact. Give him his space and he'll start to miss you, especially since you feel he still cares about you. Soon enough he'll start to notice some of the changes you are making. Be patient!

[JenInVen]

A poem for anyone who stops by and reads my thread.

Happy DBing

Jen

``Letting Go''
To ``let go'' does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization I can't control another.
To ``let go'' is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ``let go'' is to admit powerlessness
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ``let go'' is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.
To ``let go'' is not to care for, but to care about.
To ``let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To ``let go'' is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To ``let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To ``let go'' is not to be protective.
It's to permit another to face reality.
To ``let go'' is not to deny, but to accept.
To ``let go'' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ``let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To ``let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To ``let go'' is to not regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To ``let go'' is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE.